Don’t forget these awards

The Honourable S. Muller: The man courted controversy and poor performance.


Well folks, the other night at the Allan Border Medal, Michael Clarke, the golden pup of Aussie cricket, walked away with more silver ware than was on the tables and further cemented his position as Australian cricket’s main man. And good luck to the lad, he definitely was best performer for our national team this summer and proved to the Indians that even a once regarded self-indulgent, tattooed, latte sipping priss can be forgiven and embraced by a harsh public if he can do the business on the field. A lesson is surely there for some of their blokes.

So with all the Awards for best players settled neatly in the gloves for another year and Shane Warne deservedly inducted into the hall of fame, it’s time for the SSD to give its own awards out for the past year.

In recognition of all feats that have been sour, strange or forgettable during the past year of Aussie cricket, the SSD would like to celebrate these feats with the inaugural Scott Muller Awards. These awards will also include a new inductee into the C.U.N.T.S (cricketers union of non test selection) hall of shame.

  1. Most outstanding dummy spit – Simon Katich. It was hard to give this to the Kat as I am a fan, but he really bared his claws to the selectors in that press conference.
  2.  Most outstanding fall from grace – Mitchell Johnson. Johno just couldn’t get it right, but it took an injury for the selectors to finally say bon-voy-age! Johno now finds himself well down the pecking order of Australian fast bowlers, going from 1st to about 8th in about 3 months.
  3. Worst test player of the year – Brad Haddin. This hurts, but Hads has had a shocker! This chap may find himself drinking with Johno at the CUNTS bar shortly too. Hads also easily picked up the wickets for pickles award as well for his brain explosion against NZ earlier in the summer as well.
  4. Worst one day player of the year – Brad Haddin. It’s a big night for the gloveman, but he played everything up until our home one day series this year with modest returns.
  5. Worst BBL import – Paul Collingwood. Colly had a shocker, his batting was typically ugly and scoring stuff all runs only made it all the more dreadful. His finest moment came when playing the Melbourne Stars. Colly dropped two absolute sitters at cover in the space of 2 overs; hopeless from a bloke who was given an MBE for fielding.
  6. Most baffling decision – The selection of George Baily. I don’t even need to comment on this.
  7. The newest inductee into the C.U.N.T.S hall of shame is – Doug Bollinger. The rug is still a fine bowler, but after turning up to the Adelaide oval last year after what looked to be a few weeks of watching the box and downing pizzas, the Rug hasn’t been invited back. And he probably won’t be.
  8. And the final award. The Scott Muller award for 2012 goes to; Cameron White. The Bear did outstanding to be dropped from the one day side and the T20 side this year, handing back the Captaincy along the way. But, big Cam also had a forgettable BBL tournament which netted the stunning returns of: 55 runs at 7.86, striking at 75.34 and the rather large round figure of zero tallied in the wickets column. You’d have to think he can forget about a CA contract next season too. So, in true Scott Muller glory, The Bear, has been told he can’t bowl, can’t bat, and you’d have to expect, don’t come back from the selectors! Well done Bear!

Congratulations Bear! You can now permanently watch the game from the stands.

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1 Comment

  1. Dane

     /  March 2, 2012

    Poor Bear. I saw that he continued to set the standard for the downward spiral with another thin score in Shield cricket just this week. He takes this award seriously!

    Whatever happened to Scott Muller?


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Dane Eldridge Tries Hard

Contemporary rugby league surrealism and hot takes on Shane Warne

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