Bring back the Vodaphone MOM App

Punters your armchair critic is having a coronary on the floor of the loungeroom!! Yes dribblers I have been that moved that I actually got out of my bloody armchair!!!!

I want to know which F***wit (s) pick the Man of the match? Now P Siddle bowled well & in normal circumstances would of deserved his award but HELLO! there were two guys who hit double centuries not just plain old hundreds but F***king doubles & poor old punter then backed it up with a unbeaten 60 in the second dig & all he gets is a close second !!!!!! F**K me drunk & I thought the vodaphone Man of the match app was F****d but then again if it was still in place James Pattison would of been a moral!

Have I killed off too many brain cells sinking the amber fluid?

Or should the knob(s) who picked this award be sacked?


Where are we at?

Fellow punters, bloggers & warblers of all kind the question is where are we at?

By we I mean the Aussie cricket team, are we surging back up to the great heights of the Warne, Mcgrath era? Or are we just getting a bit ahead of ourselves? With all the backslapping of another Aussie humilation of the once great curry munching team your armchair critic is not convinced all is as it seems.

On the positive we have smashed the turban munkees in each test becoming more dominant as the series goes on, doing this with a injury toll longer than the queue at the doctors on a Monday morning! We seem to have a good balance of youth & experience & will have a abundance of talent to pick from when everyone is fit & healthy.

Our bowlers have been as consisent as I can ever remember sticking to the game plan & bowling to their fields & the wickets are coming as a result. If you include Watto we have nine test bowlers but inly 4-5 spots, nice position to be in. We have also unearthed Dave Warner as the next Superstar of the game, the T20 slogger who struggled to get a game for NSW is now firmly entreched as the first batsman picked. We also look sharp in the field & except for a few chances outside the keeper we have fielded well all summer.

Now for the negative’s, we couldn’t beat New Zealand in a home test series!!!!!!!!

The curry boys are also struggling big time, after a drubbing by the poms & a shellacking here the ageing tandoori boys are easybeats & would struggle to beat Kenya or Zimbabwe. How do we measure ourselves against this team, there is no way they are playing like the second best (formerly top rated) cricket side in the world today at the five day game.

Our batsman have not put it together as a unit all summer, even in Sydney whe we got 600 odd we were struggling until punter & pup put on over 250 before pup & The Huss put on another 350 unbroken. In Perth Warner & Cowan scored the runs & then we folded like a pack of cards. Tell me you didn’t kmow that was going to happen! It was as predictable as a Sam Kekovich lamb roast ad blitz prior to Aussie day. We have improved with the bat since our two capitulations to Souf AFRIICA & the ENzedders but we are by no means world beaters. Then we have Brad Haddin, now I like Brad but at the moment HE is the scott Muller f the team, can’t Bat, Can’t catch…Pull your finger out buddy cause there are a few boys breathing down your neck.

So in summary We shouldn’t be getting carried away just yet but we will certainly be competitve as long as our bowlers continue to be disciplined & bowl as they have done all summer.

Since Clarke has taken over we have not lost a test series & have only lost 2 tests bur our batting has been very brittle at times.But as always GO YOU LITTLE AUSSIE CHAMPIONS!

You know i’m right…..Peace Out

Aussie Admin Nonsense

Punters & fellow warblers your armchair critic is f…..n spewin at the perplexing comments from our chairman of selectors at the end of the Sydney test match. Now as you are aware from previous posts I was not a fan of our previous chairman of selectors & “Invers” is heading down the same path.

Our chairman said & I Quote ” Pattison was going to be rested anyway for Perth if he hadn’t been injured” end Quote


When did we start a rotational system for Tests?

Since when has it not been policy to field our best XI in Tests?

WTF is happening in the administration area of Australian cricket?

Memo to Invers please reply asap cause I want f…ing answers……

You know i’m right, peace out!

Taking the Dingo to Task

Fellow comrades & armchair critics, I believe the time has come for the Dingo to admit his errors of judgement on our national cricket captain come hero Michael Clarke.

The efforts of the skipper with the blade especially this test with a massive 329 not out but also scoring 4 tons in 6 test matches & not being selfish today when the world record score of one Brian Lara (400) was certainly within his grasp put team before personal achievement & declared.

The Dingo has been a scathing critic of Clarkey since he teamed up with L Bungle & even since the flushing of the ring has continued to be crtical of our Aussie hero. I do know the dingo has softened his stance just a smidgen since the number 1 WAG Kyly Boldy has arrived on the scene (she is definitely a WAGILF!!!!)

I say it is TIME Dingo to admit the error of your ways & be graceful admit you were too harsh on the PUP & that you were WRONG.

Punters we will have to see whether the Dingo can DOG up & do the right thing or will the wild beast stand his ground?

Direct From The Armchair – Pre Xmas Edition

Season’s tidings to my fellow warblers & scribes.

The Armchair critic was today moved to smirk with a gem of a quote from one Phil (C Guptill B Martin) Hughes whose quote was about his recent failures against the sheepshaggers.

” I didn’t play my natural game”

No shit Phil I mean I thought Clarkey or Mickey had told you that Guptill couldn’t catch a cold or that it was your job to make him drop one. The great man Skull said in the ABC commentary box that if you were shaving the next morning after the test & you knicked yourself that Guptill was gonna jump out of the medicine cabinet with a bandaid…. You’re a laughing stock old son so stop coming out with these piss weak excuses get back on your fukin bike & earn your way back into the aussie team through scoring runs.

Whilst on the Aussie Team WTF is Hilfenhaus done to earn a recall??????????

I would rather have Binga Lee back in the team, at least he can take test wickets!!!!! Why wasn’t Harris considered did he get injured again????

Please be my guest to offer your comments


You Know I’m Right…..Peace out.

Half Whit

Twas during a rain delay in the Hobart test against the sheep shaggerz when your corrospondent decked out in stubbies & singlet, thongs & bucket hat was able to take a nostalgic trip back in time to the days when Bill Lawry was in full voice & Rod F..king Marsh was a nine cricket commentator!!!!!!

I believe it was a 1983 test match between us & those from over the ditch when Mike “F..kWhit” Whitney before he started offering people $50 to do stupid things became a Aussie hero for Drawing a Test Match.

The great Sheep Shagger himself Sir Richard “Hadlee’s a Wanker” Hadlee the best NZ bowler of all time & still one of the best ever bamboozled all our Aussie batsman & it was left to Half Whit & Craig Mcdermott to se out the last 6 or 7 overs of the game.

It all came down to the last over & Half Whit on strike, now Whit’s prowess with the willow is only slightly & i mean slightly better than Chris Martin’s so when he stode to the wicket things looked grim But he held on when nobody gave him a chance. It was Allan Border’s first series victory as captain & all came down to a half Whit!

This is why we still & will always play TEST Cricket. The pyjama game & hit & giggle cricket sure are fun etc but they do not have the theatre of test cricket. Last Monday’s finish whilst not going in our favour was similar with number 11 striding to the crease with 40 still needed only to fail by 8.

But they all pail into insignificance when  Thommo & AB nearly pulled a miracle against the Poms back when I was a lad. Thommo coming in when  we needed 80 & seemingly hopeless held the poms at bay only to get a edge when we needed less than a boundary to win.

As i said Test cricket is the best form of the game. I will be interested in your thoughts.

Peace out!


The middle of this week brought down the career on possibly the worst cricket selector the cricketing world has ever seen Andrew “Adolf” Hilditch.

He is of course the man who singlehandedly decimated the confidence of all Australian spinners by hailing them as world beaters & pissing them out of the test team quicker than a Dave Warner half century! Look at our fast bowling stocks at the moment, the cupboard is so bare that the Dingo was even considered for selection for the first test against the mob from over the ditch!

Not to mention overseeing Australia from being a cricket superpower to struggling to beat the Narromine under 10 b’s !!!!!!! The warning signs were there but we persisted with this little prick  & his mates (Boony is excepted because well he is BOONY!) for way too long, he even punted Big Merv!!!!

He has left our cricket team in such a mess that pre gate sales for this years tests will struggle to pay for Punter’s retirement party, Oops sorry Punter you weren’t meant to find that out until the end of the summer. Just act as if you don’t know what’s going on when pup says “hey Punter we need to have a chat!”

With the end of the series against South Afrikkka little ol Adolf has sunk back to his mundane life as a souf Oztraliaaaan solicitor. I say Goood f…..n riddance & don’t let the f…..n door hit your srse on the way out douchebag, Trvor Hohns you ain’t!

Til next time peace out my brothers!!!!

Dane Eldridge Tries Hard

Contemporary rugby league surrealism and hot takes on Shane Warne