Punters,
So the year has nearly run it’s course!
And how quickly has it been and gone!
I thought it was appropriate that your friendly K9 goes over a few of biting issues in the Sporting World for what was the Year 2011!
AUSTRALIAN CRICKET
January saw a small part of K9 die!!! Australia’s weak performance and complete and utter annihilation at the hands of the old dart kicked things off in a very poor way.
Straussy and his band of other mercenaries under the English Banner demolished our cricket team on our home patch.
Things didn’t get much better either. In March Ricky Ponting stood down as Australian Captain and to the Dingo’s and most of Australia’s disgust, The DOG that is Michael Clarke was put in charge.
"Captain not so Couragous"
Only after going through a overhaul of his own image. Losing the Hand Bag that was Lara “I’m as dumb as Dingo’s Turds” Bingle. Lara the silly bitch thought it was appropriate to flush half the Diamonds of Australia down the Bowl when the Dog had finally worked out she was a massive slab of concrete holding him down! No wonder the stupid prick has back issues!!!!
Anyway this didn’t sway the Australian Public. Dog was still as popular as someone dropping their guts in an Elevator. To make things worse, the very popular and hard as nails Simon Katich had been told he was no longer a part of future plans with the Test team.
There was public outcry and the Dingo lead the way calling for the Dogs head on the end of a spear! I’ve got a bit of advice for the Dog….I’d suggest avoiding Fraser Island as one of your holiday destinations, as me family would be quite happy to enjoy a meal out on the Dog!!!!
Back to the cricket, Tour to Sri Lanka saw the Dog start his reign as test skipper a winner! This merely covered over the cracks that were in the Australian Team. It didn’t take them long to appear! Australia head to South Africa were they managed to embarrass themselves at whole new level! Rock and Rolled for 40 odd and losing a test that seemed to be unloseable after bowling the Saffa’s out for 90 odd.
It wasn’t all doom and gloom in South Africa. Australia managed to Unearth Patrick “Stains in ya pants” Cummins! Cummins showed so raw ability in his test debut!
"Coming onto a batsmen"
Australia then moved onto the Summer Series back home against the Sheep Shaggers! What did the Aussies manage to achieve? Their 1st loss to the Kiwi’s in Australia for 25 years!
Phil Hughes also managed made a right old dick of himself! Becoming good mates with Chris “I’m not a Rockstar & Can’t Bat for Shit” Martin & Martin “Just keep on hitting em to me Hughesy” Guptil! Phil managed to snick his way out of the test side and back to park Cricket!
2011 also saw Cricket Australia jump on T20 bandwagon introducing it’s Money Hungry KFC Big Bash League. Pulling retired cricketing legends Shane Warne & Matthew Hayden not so cricket legends Stuart Macgill and Brad Hogg out of retirement to be the face of the league!
The Pyjama game is here to entertain the short concentrated simple folk. It’s certainly by no means the Dingo’s preference being a cricket royalist and tragic…. But hey I’m up for a bit of Hit & Giggle or even Slap & Tickle while ever Warnie and EH are involved!
"would the real Shane Warne please stand up?"
RUGBY UNION!
F&*^ing BORING!
Finding Highlights in Rugby Union is always a tough ask! The game is a s%6t fight! Constantly ruined by the officials blowing the absolute piss out of the whistle!
Anyway 2011 saw the Might QLD Reds bring home the Super 14 Trophy to Austarlia. Big Ewen Mckenzie has managed to turn a bunch of easy beats into an entertaining Rugby Outfit (I’m still not convinced it’s entertaining!)Strongly lead by James Horwill and well guided around the park by Will Genia & Quade Cooper! Digby Ioane entertained the masses with his post try celebrations….and the best thing of all, the Kiwi Prick Richie Mccall went home a loser!
Now that was until the world cup when the sheep shaggers on their own turf and after taking a pact to refrain from abusing their animals, blew just about everyone out of the water! The French Frog nearly pulled of the miracle in the Final, but the Kiwi’s hung tough and the dirty, arrogant, cheating bastard that is Richie McCall had the last laugh.
RUGBY LEAGUE
The absolute highlight of the rugby league year was the Darren Lockyer Farewell Tour! Razzle Dazzle went on one of the best farewells gifted to any athlete. It including his broncos going deep into Finals, A State of Origin Victory and to top it off a nice little farewell with a Four Nations Title.
His leadership in the yet another Series win against hapless Cockroaches was top notch. QLD was tested all the way this series due to introduction of Ricky Stuart as head coach!
Sticky Ricky was fantastic! Playing every trick in the book! Telling everyone who would listen how good QLD was and how there was no pressure on NSW, how QLD had influenced the match officials for so long. Ricky had the whole siege mentality thing working well for him. He tried to match the QLD passion! It was all so very emotional! The Dingo could of nearly shed a tear…..
Bahahaha! Piss of Ricky…ya dribbler!!!
One downer on the Rugby League year was having to put up with those whinging pricks Manly winning the comp! The Sea Eagles spent the whole year in the news! Constantly complaining and bitching about something! Usually just the Stewart boys crying about how David Gallop has it for them blah blah blah!
Hey Brett, don’t try and feel up young girls when ya pissed off ya nit and Gallop won’t have a problem with ya, you snivller!
"nah mate your not my type, i prefer 17 yrs old who say no"
Even Door Plus Hasler had enough by the end of year! Taking his mullet and premiership ring to Belmore for a fresh start! Fully Sick bro!
AFL
No doubt the highlight of the year was watching the AFL Grand Final and seeing those Collingwood Pricks eat sh*t! Nothing warms the Dingo’s heart more than watching Eddie & Co chewing on sour grapes and Poo sandwiches!!!!
Suck a big one Eddie!
"Soaked Pies or is that eyes?"
2011 also saw the AFL machine that is the GWS take off. Led by the senile old prick Kevin Sheedy, GWS travelled the country spinning their message to any old fool who would listen! Trying to push their way into the League Heartland of Western Sydney! Whether they make inroads is very unlikely, but the AFL won’t die wondering! Throwing money at it like it’s going out of fashion!
GOLF
Saw Tiger Woods break a 2 year winning drought! Tiger got back to nailing Birdies! Not long afterwards he made a winning putt on 18th Green to win a tournament!
2011 also saw Greg “the Snake” Chalmers stamp his authority on the Aussie Tour winning both the Aussie Open and Aussie PGA tournaments. The Snake showed his abilities on course, but did cop the ire of the Dingo after blabbering like a baby during one of his victory speeches.
Robert Allenby was also in the Golfing Headlines in 2011. As usual with Robert it was for all the wrong things! The sooner this prick retires, the better! The dingo is sick and tired of reading the drivel about him! Do us all a favour Robert!
TENNIS
Sam “I’d make a Bulldog Spew” Stosur managed to do her country proud winning the US Open! The issue with Sam’s victory is the fact it will be more remember for Serina Williams losing her “Banana” when having a run in with linesman and Chair umpire! Serina really went out of her way to make a “monkey” of herself!
2011 also saw Lleyton Hewitt again waste his time and incorrectly call himself a professional! Lleyon “I’m the 1st round bye” Hewitt really needs to move onto the next step of his life! The retirement village is calling!
SWIMMING
The Super Fish Ian Thorpe made announcement to the World. Not that he’s raving horses hoof, but the fact he’s making a comeback for the London Olympics!
"is coming out of ??????"
2011 was the year of the comeback in Swimming! Skippy Huegill decided it was time to get off the gear and stop eating pies, diving back into the Pool! He did manage to empty the pool in the process but certainly brought the fans back with his Fat Guts and his belly floppers!
"GUTSY Comeback"
CYCLING
Cadel Evans made history in France. Being the 1st Australian to ever win the Tour De France since it’s begining way back when! Cadel created a huge following for cycling! Many men, women and children were inspired by Cadel and proceded to jump on their bikes!
I know the Dingo is hoping that Hewitt and Crapenby might catch on the bandwagon and jump on their bikes! And hopefully they won’t come back!!!!!
MOTOR RACING
Saw Mark Webber………Well Mark did Sweet F&*k ALL to be honest! He managed to win the last race of the year and offered false hope to his supporters. Suggesting the Brazilian GP would propel him to big and better things next year! Maybe Cadel could help Mark out….Get on ya Bike son! Remember what happened last time?????
Talking of Bikes, Casey “I Look Like A” Stoner “blew” his rivals away in the Motor GP Championship. Stoner’s opponents experienced plenty of passive smoking of his exhaust fumes as he once again got back on Top! Even giving the Dr the slip and good old spray of his ambitions not matching his abilities. I think young Casey might have had a couple too many hot ones as the Dr is an absolute legend of the Sport!
" U want to smoke this Pipe?"
BOXING
So the year that was in Boxing was pretty similar to previous years. Manny the Pacman dominated for most of the year, apart from getting a bit luck in his last fight of the year when the general opinion was he had lost when in the fact the judges gave him the win. Wouldn’t be a year of boxing without controvsery and dodgy decisions!
Australian Boxing pretty much stayed the same. The real contenders Katisidis & Darchyian made numerious big fights and really flew the flag for Australia. Then there was the Neville’s like Green & Mundine who continued to fight Cab Drivers, Bums, potential corpses and men from the retirement villages.
While Shannon Taylor tried to become a corpse, mistaking Heroin for Cocaine and overdosing. Just another year in Australian Boxing really!!!!
SOCCER
Now does anyone care about the round ball game? Let’s just say we in Australia are absolute shiser at the game. The National League is sponsored by a freaking cheap as chips Asian Car company. Quite fitting considering the standard!
Harry and Emerton made a bif of splash with news of their return to Australia for a bit of Cherry on top in Superannuation Fund. Hopefully they can entice a few more of Australia’s best players to return home and continue to improve the standard of our national competition.
Anyway 2011 saw the Brisbane Roar dominate. Winning last season competition after Central Coast Chokers threw away a 2 nil lead with 5 minutes to play! The roar continued on an unbelievable run, breaking all records. Only to have recently hit a snag and now on a bit of losing run!
Winners are Grinners
So as you can see sprayers, it’s been a big year in Sport! This K9 has certainly enjoyed the sporting world. And look forward to it being even bigger and better in 2012.
So I’m keen to here your thoughts on 2011? Also let the Dingo know if there’s any topics you’d like to see sprayed in 2012!
So punters, it’s time for the Dingo to tuck into some xmas tucker and get absolutely *&*t faced!
Til next year, have a happy christmas and a sloshed new year!
Dingo out!