Don’t punt the Punter

For the past few year there has been a general consensus that Ricky Ponting should be booted from the Australian cricket team to make way for some new up and coming talent. While this does has some merit and shows the concern the cricket loving public have for our beloved baggy greens, let me to the first to say that to ditch Ponting now would be a ridiculous way to send out our greatest batsman after Greg Chappell and the might

The Master

I purchased this bat purely because of his ball crushing ability with it. Six years later, still perfect.

Don. Not only would it be a kick in the guts to one of the great servants to the game, it would also be tactically retarded.

Lets consider a few things first. The upcoming tests this summer are against the sheep shaggers and the curry munchers, so New Zealand and India, with the first test kicking off against New Zealand at the end of the week. As the recent warm up game indicates, the Australia A team, with the exception of the sturdy Ed Cowan and pocket rocket David Warner, struggled to compete against a bowling line up more toothless than a retired boxer. If this is the best of the rest, then Australian batting is in what can only be described as a giant heap of shit.

So with no logical replacement or “up and coming talent”, Ponting stays on by default. However the first game is at the Gabba, a ground where Ponting has continually shit runs against the best attacks in the world, so coming up against this New Zealand team who’s warm up and social actives consist with fucking each other up the arse, I have no doubt that once around the 20 run mark, Ponting will destroy these pretenders making them wish they stayed back in the hotel.

Once Ponting has destroyed the soul of the Kiwis, it’s on to the world champion Indians *cough*. For those of you who have not seen the bowlers selected for the test matches, I will give you an overview. The highest wicket taker is Ishant Sharma with 128 wickets, the next highest is Sachin Tendulkar with 45. So if you thought the New Zealand line up was awful then holy shit, get ready for some big scores this summer. The other mistake that the Indians have made is not bringing out Harbhajan Singh. Although this guy seems to make a living by being the biggest prick to ever walk a cricket field, he does have a super record against Ponting, and the failure of the Indian selectors for not picking him will only play into Ponting’s hands.

So as has been established, Australia has no new batsman worthy of replacing Ponting and the bowling attacks this summer are about as strong as a left hook from Steven Hawkins. Not only that Ponting has been around for so long he has a masterful knowledge of the game, so any youngest that do manage to bribe their way into the team will have an excellent resource to learn off.

This will mostly be the last summer for the master Batsman, so what better way to sign off then by shitting on every bowler that comes along this summer, listening to the roar of your adoring fans, and waving your cock too any of the doubters out there. I know I’ll salute it.

I could go on but I think I will let the cricket do the talking. Regardless if I am correct or not, Ponting deserves this last summer so we might all bask in his batting aura on last time before the curtain goes down.

So fuck the scummy print media, long live Ricky Ponting.

Dane Eldridge Tries Hard

Contemporary rugby league surrealism and hot takes on Shane Warne