Athlete’s owe us squat!

Today, voluntary media mute Darius Boyd walked past a channel 10 news crew, brushing past them with the arrogance of a year 12 student trudging through the infants playground. Unsurprisingly, people blew up at Boyd’s perceived rudeness, labelling him a “dickhead” and calling him “ungrateful”.

Let me start by saying that I’m no real Boyd fan. But neither am I a fan of the media or the way they operate.

Athletes are (in most cases) exceptional competitors in an area usually requiring an elite level of physical ability the rest of us (the ordinary folk) can only dream about, whether that be to run like a Bolt or Dazzle like a Warne, Leap like a Jordan or swing like a Woods.

It is the admiration and understanding of exceptional talent which drives “normal” folk to pay attention and watch a skill performed at a higher level to which they themselves could not do. It is human nature to admire and it is human nature to seek out the source of the admiration. Why? Because viewing coveted skills unfold before our eyes provides people with inspiration, drive and above all pleasure.

Athletes, are first and foremost, exceptional due to their talent. Personality, marketability and looks are secondary bye products which may one day become features in their own right, but are yet still grounded and underpinned by the athlete firstly qualifying as…. well…an athlete.

So since an athlete often gets to an elite level in his or her chosen competition by firstly: a) having the talent and drive to get there, and b) is often selected by higher authorities and is therefore a wanted commodity. Should the people (us) who seek out the viewing of skilled athleticism and high level competition demand that these athletes have an obligation to make free their time in order to satisfy the fiscal positions of a ravanous institution (the media) who feed the unquenchable cravings of sports hungry fans? Do the fans “own” athletes? Was it the fans who gave the athlete his or her gifts?
The answer to all these questions is a slam dunk in the ring for NO!

In no way should an athlete be obliged to answer questions or make time for journalists and their organisations. Is Joe Blow from the pub obliged to answer questions from a pack of 17 year olds dying to know what a beer tastes like? No, of course not. Yet both are examples of one group coveting the ability and activities of another and the yearning to understand something of which they are not a part of.

Now I know there will be some who will say “but without the fans athletes don’t have an income”. To this I would reply that competition would not exist without the desire to win and to out perform your rival. Elite Athleticism and physical excellence are reached due to this principle and are not reached as a result of awed onlookers. In other words, an athlete’s skills and competitive desires were not gifts given to him or her by the fans.

So to all the sports men and women who wish to decline the spotlight thrown on them, and who wish to remain silent while they compete in their chosen activity I say kudos. We are simply here to watch you play, marvel at your skill and admire your competitiveness. For what it’s worth, you owe us normal folk….squat.


State of Origin is a joke and here’s why…

Game 3 – Anyone who’s strapped on a boot knows that was a shepherd. Commentators are payed to smooth these things over but even the channel 9 team had difficulty glossing that one over. King Wally in particular couldn’t resist the truth. (Perhaps a symptom of many who suffer depression?)

Game 1 – We all know that wasn’t a try.

I have just watched game 3 and I am appalled by what I have seen. The penalty count may have looked even on paper but it was designed to. I will just point two things from game 3 that stand out. There are many more from the rest of the Origin series this year that could make the grade.

Okay – why wasn’t Tate sent off in game 3 when Jennings was done for the same thing in game 1 and…

View original post 196 more words

The Senior and Mr Brown have a chin wag.

As passionate supporter of all things rugby league, the Senior has let rip with his thoughts on the recent origin match and recent series, posting his thoughts to me via e-mail.

So here is our correspondence, our view of SOO 3.

Well, Mr Brown it is déjà-vu again, although, the score flattered the blues.

The defence was just so so. They were waiting for the opposition to come to them and were on the back foot all game.

The backs were too flat and were flat footed (as were the forwards)

I thought Morris B, and JMorris along with Hayne were the pick of the backs.

Farah, Lewis(when he got a run) and Gallon stood out, but they ran one out. Whenever one went forward no real support was in evidence.

The halves were blitzed by their opposites. Carney and Pearce are not the answer, and please don’t get me started on Creagh or Scott.

Now I have had my gripe it will be back to the drawing board again so we may live in hope for 2013. Remember our tries were scored from judicial kicks and a soft one from dummy half, not from ball movements as was the case with Queensland.

The Senior.

Well old fella, your thoughts are pretty spot on; I agree with most. I’d have to say all our backs performed pretty good, possibly even better than QLD’s if you take into account the field position they were often in and limited opportunities they had. Over the 3 games, Josh Morris has elevated himself into one of the best centres in the game, just through his performances this series. Not only did he do a job on arguably the biggest handful in the game, he looked dangerous when given the ball. A breakout series for the young bloke.

As for Brett Stewart, the bloke had no field position to display all of his attacking brilliance. Yet, in a series where NSW struggled to find the line and territory, he managed to cross the chalk in each game. With better field position, Snake is the match winner we need.

The halves are tricky. Pearce was good in defence, but lacked the creativity and control his opposite number produced. He was left particularly wanting in the kicking department. Carney on the other showed on a couple of occasions that he has the spark which NSW have been missing. His kick for J.Moz in the dying seconds of game 3 is an example of that. He also looked more dangerous in attack than his partner did. However, his defence was no better than what Jamie Soward could have offered. Too many times, he was found on his backside after a Greg Inglis raid. In my opinion, I say stick with them both for at least another series.

NSW best were by far and away, Bird, Gallen and Farah. All three performed outstanding over the 3 games, showing balls, determination and leadership. Farah, in particular, established himself as an “origin player,” and proved to NSW’s most creative and dangerous man with the ball.

Last of all, and I hate to admit it, for man who has been sacked by 2 clubs and a national job and a man who for my mind was overrated in the coaching stakes, Sticky Ricky has done a fair job. He must be there next year.

Mr Brown

Stuff That’s Caught My Eye.

Well, with the last of the semester’s workload finally been shovelled, I’m ready to uncork the brew which has been festering inside my bottle of opinionated sport’s diatribe.

State of origin: I still think the Blues can win this series. A slight tweak of the bench options and a better rotation of the forwards should be just enough to wipe the smug smile from big Mal’s face for the first time in 6 years. I mean, let’s not forget, NSW almost got the job done minus Todd Carney. I doubt the Cronulla 5/8 could turn in a performance like his first origin outing even if the night before game 2 included a bender and 6 hookers. So if Carney can turn up, and Sticky can add Watmough and Woods or Galloway to the squad, then NSW should be sipping from the winner’s chalice for the first time in 7 years.

And if we do win, how satasfying would it be to have won without the assistance of Kurt Gidley. Gids, might be a good bloke and a great player at club level, but this chap has to one of the most overrated Origin players in history. His absence will, in time, be viewed as a blessing in disguise for Sticky, especially if we win the series.  The whole obsession with having a utility in the team gives me the shits. QLD do it year in year out without one, and NSW pick blokes like Bird, Lewis and Hayne who could play a number of roles anyway. Sticky, take Gid’s injury as blessing for God’s sakes.

The shield could return this year.

Newcastle: Well, what can we say about Newcastle? Let’s start by taking a look at 3 of the club’s more shinning apples to understand why Newcastle is sitting like fly ridden peach towards the bottom of the NRL fruit bowl.

The hooker: Bederus has been receiving accolades this season for no other reason than his ability to turn up on game day in any other form than in an obituary notice. I mean, if people actually took off their rose-tinted glasses and their nostalgic top hats, then they’d see that Bedsy is barely doing the job for Newcastle.  He’s slow, has no attacking penetration and is well behind other rakes in the competition in terms of ruck creativity. But a bloke of his age must be good at something though? Maybe his skills lie in scone making, knitting or recounting WW II stories to school children. Whatever his skill is, it ain’t footy at the moment, which has prompted Wayne Bennett to shop around for another hooker to start next season.

Hey boys, any chance of making the 8 this year?

Kade Snowden: Kade should be thankful that Darius Boyd has proved to be a bigger dud and a bigger disappointment this year than he is. Every time I see Snowden play, I see dropped balls, soft running and laziness. He certainly did Cronulla a favour.

Darius Boyd: Time for Daddy to give his favourite son a big smack for sulking like a spoilt child for what has now been nearly 1 and half seasons in length. He is another bloke who has lost all sense of what it means to attack. Check this stat; Boyd has made 1 line break in 885min of football…….. And he is a fullback!

Mark Webber: Mark finally broke through this year for a win in Monaco. In a year I thought even a podium finish was looking doubtful, Mark performed well at the prized race, leaving his team mate Vettle for dead. However, Webber also knows that a Go-Cart could win at the prestigious track if it has its nose in front going round the first corner. To say that this season will be tighter than a Jewish sphincter, would be an understatement.

Grant Hackett: Mr Hackett… Mr Nice Guy….. Mr Goody Two-shoes. NOT ANYMORE! And thank God that this clown was shown to be the phony we all knew he was. He can now take his rightful place alongside other sporting nuff nuffs like Robert Lui, Mike Tyson and Greg Bird. How he still has a job is beyond me. If anyone saw the destruction that the former swimming angel left in his apartment, than it’s easy to see that this was more than a simple snap of temper. In fact, the pictures demonstrate a sustained and long rage in which, the former 1500m champion should find himself utterly ashamed. Matt Johns was stood down for less.

If your not f#%king careful girly, your teeth will be replacing the missing keys in my piano!



The dive that was a Lowey shot to the foot

Fellas, tell me you saw that disgraceful end to the A-league final on Sunday between the Roar and Glory? If you didn’t, I’ll give you a quick rundown and then you should go U-Tube it. 

Berisha, the dog who made it possible.

At 1-1 with seconds to go in extra time, a Roar player by the name of Besart Berisha took a dive that Mathew Mitcham would have been proud of and which will be placed into consideration for the 2013 Academy Awards. From the side lines and from the lounge room, the Glory player which was closest to Berisha came no closer than a Clive Palmer width to him. Yet, on the back of that despicable display, the Roar got a penalty and a shot from in front.

 Suddenly, after 94 min and 30 secs of gruelling, hard fought grand final soccer, the result was about to come down to a shot at goal on the back of a pathetic unsport’s-man like performance. The result was now more certain than a splattered bowl in the morning after a Mahatma Sing’s curry in a hurry.

So punters, with the facts laid down and the Roar now downing the victory champagne, what are we to make of this result?

First and foremost, the way in which this game was won was completely unsporting like and un-Australian. Furthermore, it will act as another hook for the Soccer knockers of this country to hang their already numerous hats on. With Soccer always struggling to gain a foot hold in this country, a 50 thousand sell out crowd at Suncorp stadium and an exciting, memorable finish to a great game on the cards, Frank Lowey and Co could have been forgiven if they were thinking that Soccer’s forgettable year of financial turmoils, Clive Palmers, Nathan Tinklers and Harry Kewells was about to be forgotten in a sea of grand final ecstasy in the halls of A-League central. But not to be.

That half-wit Berisha not only halted the momentum that Footaball Australia could have swept up, but then single handledly pegged the game back a few decades in its desire to win over a very staunchly loyal public of the other, more “tougher”, footy codes. As a sporting code in Australia, Soccer has tried desperately to shed the perception that it’s a game full of wussy bum-licking prima-donnas who run about like ego stroking shirtless wankers. But, for as long as Soccer has been dribbling its round balls in this country, the “dive,” in Soccer has dogged it from etching its self a strong base in the Aussie sporting landscape. It has been used as the chief mallet for other codes’ fans to wack Soccer’s legitimacy and claim superiority in the manly soup bowl of Australian sporting culture.

A disgracful moment in Australia's sporting history.

 The incident also acted as a further reminder of the 2006 world cup campaign when Australia was robbed in a very similar fashion by some dickhead from the Italian team. To many an Australian sporting fan that moment still leaves a foul taste in the mouth. This current incident just adds further flavour to an already dreadful reputation that soccer has and struggled to overcome before and since the 2006 debacle.

For League, Union and GayFL administrators, the A-League result was beautiful. For Football Australia and its supporters, it was just another bullet shot straight into an already lead filled foot.    

Gallop: "GOAL!" An own goal for the A-League.




A call to all lunatics!

Only 7 weeks into the league season and Melbourne are looking to have already planted one finger on the trophy. Early days I know, but their form is indisputable. Possessing the defensive resolve of the Dragons 2010 and the flair of the Tigers 2005, the Storm are on track to seep all before them.

Currently, Smith, Cronk and Slater are playing like demigods, running an absolute muck on the field. Demonstrating skill sets from the Divine, and executing set plays like circus performers, the 3 amigos are finding holes in opposition defensive lines like 007 agents armed with GPS trackers and radio wrist watches. At present, the big 3 are sending all opposing teams into submission and are proving a constant source of despare for enemy fans.

Who's going to stop these guys?

So before we all start screwing up our early season TAB tickets for our other premiership winners, let’s see if anyone in the competition can stand up and take one for the average punter.

What do I mean by taking one for the average punter you ask?

I mean I’m asking for the Tommy Raudonikis’s, the Noel Kellys and the Adrien Morelys of the game to stand up and save rugby league from another Storm grand final appearance.

We need a lunatic on the field willing to take matters into his own hands on behalf of all rugby league supporters and effectively end the Storm’s run to an inevitable date with the GF. An experienced campaigner in the dark arts of the swinging arm, cocked elbow or spear-tackle could be just the tonic to stop one of the big 3 and place a halt on the silverware heading to Mexico.

I know it’s not in the game’s spirit, but you could say neither was putting these 3 wunder-kids in the same frickin team. And much to the dismay of average Joe rugby league supporter, these 3 have a few more years together still to come.

No way am I advocating season ending or career threatening bust ups. But a well-timed blow towards the pointer end of the season resulting in a few weeks on the sidelines is just what all punters would like and need to see happen. Otherwise, we may as well charge up the engraver and pack the confetti cannons with purple and white streamers.   

So who in the competion would be the likely foot soldiers to carry out such a role?

Here are 4 troops I have nominated who have proven ability to implement such a call.  

Frank's guns need to be called into action.

Frank Pritchard. Frank the tank needs to unleash one of his famous shoulders into the jaws of one these blokes. A Slater kick return straight into an awaiting left shoulder bone could be just enough to flattern Billy the kid and the Storm’s hopes of another GF appearence.

Tony Williams. Having near perfected the spear-tackle, Williams needs to put Smithy’s head somewhere between the top layer of soil and the drainage system under ANZ stadium to stop the trophy getting on a bus to Melbourne in September.

Michael Crocker. A former Storm player himself, Crocker surely feels a little jealous that he’s not playing with that mob. Crocker needs to direct those envious feelings fair into the melon of an unsuspecting Cronk. A late hit after a mid field bomb will do nicely.

Bryce Gibbs. Although Gibbsy has a relatively clean record, he is known for brain-snaps and general boof-headness. A well picked fight from another Sharks player to one of the three stooges should have Gibbs running to join like a buzzard to a pig pen. Once there, Gibbs, will be able to unleash the mental case inside and duly put one of the Storm’s stars into the coma ward for a few rounds.

Ashton Sims. This unit is another player who hasn’t seen the walls of the judiciary too often, but last week’s effort on Jack Bosden proved that if Simo doesn’t like you then expect some special treatment. If Simo can get a hold of Smithy, a huge swinging arm and a driving elbow to Smithy’s moscow will require a visit to the plastic surgeon to correct the nose that was once on Smithy’s face.

So boys, there you have it, a call to arms for the thug inside our rugby league players. Stop the trophy heading south and make the finals a fair contest. Your code needs you!

Tommy: "Your Game needs you!"

Tinkler, Stinker, Rotten Pie.

Well folks, it’s finally happened. That thick Bogan with a fat sack of cash has fallen on his overweight sword.  Yes, Nathan Tinkler and his company Hunter Sports Group (HSG) have decided to no longer field their A league team the Newcastle Jets. They cite an unworkable business model and a large investment with no return as the reason for their departure from the FFA. 

"Christ". "I can't believe I poured my money into this"

 Surprise, surprise!

Surely, it should come as no shock to anyone that this has happened. Since when did a BRW rich list magazine contain an individual who made their coin from owning sporting teams? I can think of only one, and I suppose he doesn’t really count, the one and only Kerry Packer. The great man went into sports’ ownership big, setting up World Series Cricket. But the big fella didn’t limit himself to black money holes like an individual sporting team, Packer, owned the whole bloody lot. But his genius in the matter was to primarily use his sports’ ownership of cricket as a vehicle to drive his more profitable media business. To my mind, Tink, has thrown his dough into the wrong bread maker.     

I’m not sure whom the Tink is getting his advice from, hopefully they’re more credible than just some fellow sports’ nuts, but if they think that sports’ ownership is some untapped well of money waiting to be drilled then they’re thicker than the coal seam from which the Tink made his bullion; just ask Russel Crowe. His group’s rapid acquisition of sporting teams and horses has all the hallmarks of a big rich kid finding his niche inside a sporting culture to satisfy some lost childhood itch.


Sir Frank would have never let kerry act like such a half-wit

 I reckon if Sir Frank packer had have caught wind of Kerry galloping about acquiring the same crap Tinker has, you could have bet your next hot meal that Sir Frank would have swiftly beaten it out of him to the tune of “Dreams don’t pay the bills dickhead!”

But seriously, what’s Tink thinking? A quick glance over HSG’s portfolio might make for some good and enviable reading, but only a Greek or a Melbourne Storm accountant could honestly say that a river of wealth exists from this lot of horses and sports’ franchises. I mean the clown even owns a V8 super car team! ….. A V8 Super car team! Honestly! That’s just a sink hole!

Benny and the boys at the Knights would have definitely started collecting sweat beads by now after seeing the Jets go down. So much of Tinkler’s investment in the Knights depends on the side doing well. If St Benny fails to have much of an impact on the teams on-field results, then we can safely assume that the flow on effect will impact on tickets sales and the overall revenue generated by the Knights. This will mean one of two things. One, the Tink will pull out and find some other form of entertainment to chuck his money at. Or two, he will pour more money into the sinking venture in the hope of rescuing it, but he’ll be forced to part with some of his toys in the process, such as his private Jet and his million dollar Ferrari to help fund the process. Either way, it will be his first step towards etching his name alongside other great Australian entrepreneurs like Alan Bond, Christopher Skase and Rene Rivkin.

 It’s often been said that it’s the toys and lifestyle which bring down the rich. However, in Tinkler’s case, it will be the boyish pursuits of unprofitable junk combined with the love of fast trains, planes and automobiles which will be the rot in his pie.

"it's all right, we got more money don't we?"


The Augusta yips…. again!

Surprise, surprise! We, the Australian golfing public, are going to go home empty-handed again from the Masters this year. As a nation, our collective sporting focus narrows at around the same time each year to a golf tournament in the south of the USA. A tournament which time after time has left us clasping to the faint hope that this could be the year when we can finally shake the monkey, now turned gorilla, off the national back. Yet, year after year, after being dangled like a carrot in front of public starved of golfing silverware, the coveted and elusive green jacket is kept from us like  presents on Christmas Eve.

Sorry, not for you.

The Masters Jacket is one of the more glaring holes missing in our sporting wardrobe. We can understand that we are not going to possess a Soccer World Cup, and we can safely say that a national Ice Hockey trophy will remain on foreign soils. But a Masters’ win is a something which I’m sure every Australian should expect to be on our score sheet. Pencilled next to a tennis grand slam or Rugby world cup, a master’s golf victory is something that should surely be demanded by the masses.

Why, oh why Greenth Jacket, Why have you foresaken me?

As a nation who has some rich golfing history you would expect a green jacket to be just….well… there. In fact, if you consider the players we have produced over the years, our contributions to the sport and the countless missed opportunities at the Augusta course we deserve one! It’s our God Damn sporting right! It’s a travesty and a sporting wrong that we do not possess this win on our national score card. I mean, for God sakes we have a Tour d` France Jersy and a gold medal in an Ice skating sprint, two of the more unlikely notches on the belt, yet we can’t seem to hole a few fricken putts to claim what should be ours? To top it off, and what really puts the cheese in my sauce, is the fact that a country like South Africa, whom we regularly beat at almost anything, have produced no less than 3 Masters’ winners for 5 Masters’ wins.

The greedy pricks! In pure sporting terms, I would definitely put our nation’s sporting prowess ahead of that mob, but with a scorecard reading 5 to blot at golf’s most prestigious major, another failure is another ego bruising experience for the Aussie sports punter. I just can’t understand how we’ve managed to stay scoreless for so many years.

Not possessing a green jacket is becoming downright embarrassing, especially when you consider our national standing in the sport, we currently sit 5th in terms of major wins as a country, and it’s not like we haven’t had the stock over the years to do it. From Thomson, Graham and Norman to Ogilvy, Scott and Day a win at Augusta now stands as the biggest priority for Aussie sport. Forget the Olympics, forget the Rugby League World Cup, forget the fricken GFC; this has become a national emergency! We must mobilize our recourses and beat the Augusta yips, chalk one up in a box which has been frustratingly empty for far too long and kick that gorilla fair in the arse over the ditch.

"That's right you filthy Aussie pricks, this makes number 5 for South Africa"

A Braith of fresh air.

Hey Danos, how do you feel about losing your skipper for 2013 season? Myself, I’m actually glad to be getting him. Anasta has a good work ethic and is agood leader of the chooks. I must admit, however, I was one of those Rugby League pundits who really enjoyed the mid-season article listing the most overated players in the game. Seeing Anasta’s invariably on top of the list, especially when he was with those wallys from Bellmore, bought a sense of justice to the average man who declared the Chook captain a pussy and a modest talent. However, in recent years I have grown to respect the Bondi Skipper. He has proven to be a decent leader of men a and dependable bloke on the field. He’s no super star, like he was touted by many to be, but he is some one who provides reassurance and stability for both coach and punter.

We welcome with open arms you and your missus to Concord

So I welcome the new recruit to my beloved Tigers with open arms!

I think this bloke could prove to be quite a smart buy for the club. He can play multiple positions, including five eighth, which is just what Sheensy likes, versatility. He’ll be no Gareth Ellis, but the big fella will provide leadership and ball skills to what ever position he’s put in. Personally I’d like to see him at lock with Heighington moving to the second row.

As for you blokes, good luck chasing that walking headline Dunny Bill Williams, Politis better reach deep into his pockets. And if the rumour mill is true and your chasing Quade Pooper as well, I say double good luck. You may need to hire the Melbourne Storm’s former book-keeper.

Goodluck! This guy has more rocks and diamonds in his game than a BHP mine


Panic button for Tigers?

I’m worried. I’m really worried. The Tigers have shown me nothing so far that they are going to be jostling for a top 4 spot at the end of season or, at this stage, even a top 8 finish. At the moment the Tigers look more interested in jostling for space between each other in the defensive line to allow opposition ball runners free passage.

Our defence….. woeful!

Our attack……Non-existant!

I’m a staunch Black and Gold fan and to see the Tigs put in the type of defensive efforts they have in recent weeks is causing my T.V some serious pain. We show no go forward, no ball security, no discipline and no defensive resilience. And the list of problems to make matters worse is getting longer, for example; the lack of an established full-back is hurting us big time! We are lacking someone to add that extra spark and sniff out a hole, ala, Billy Slater. Mitch Brown’s release has proven very costly.

We have a knuckle headed wet dick prop in Matt Groat! His defensive errors have been schoolboy and his laziness around the ruck has caused me to rupture several blood vessels; the Neanderthal is probably better suited to sorting screws.

Ummmm? What am I here for?

A supposedly world class back-rower, which cost us $500 big ones, in Adam Blair, whose performances have so far shown to be worth no more than a cheese sandwich. His laziness surely wouldn’t have been tolerated at Melbourne, so I don’t understand why it is here. On Monday night he had a total of 6 hit ups and was largely AWOL in defence, compare this to Gareth Ellis’s 16 hit ups and a bezillion tackles and the dickhead has a frickin large case to answer. No wonder Gareth wanted out of the Tigers early, if Blair could comand more than a player who plays his arse off every time he’s on the paddock, then why should he stay?The problems don’t end there. What the hell is going on with Ayshford? FIVE frickin missed tackles on Monday night, most of which led to some points. Last year he was one of the games leading players for line breaks, now he is the line break for opposition teams. Their steaming through him!

This is the life bro! let's get Billy and Smithy to the tigers, it's choice!

And what about that cat Moltzen? He was getting a lot of underserved kudos at the end of last season. He was, and still is, a 50/50 prospect under a high ball, a 30/70 prospect in defence and has no where near the pace that everyone thinks he has. Monday night confirmed 2 out of three; he missed 7 tackles and could not gain a blade of grass on Jarrod Croker who ran the length of the field for a meat pie. He also tried picking up a rolling ball at pace and failed spectacularly. Who the hell does he think he is? Matt Bowen!

Things have to turn around fast, but it doesn’t look like it will be this weekend. Souths have an army of huge thugs who will make our guys emulate the feats of Lachlan Coote on Greg Inglis.

Shit! is this how small blokes tackle?

Things are grim boys. Real grim.

What have we learned?

Well, 3 busting rounds have come and gone from the Rugby League season and what have we learned?

It’s fair to say that those idiots claiming the Tigers to be premiership favourites are right now dining in the dust left by Melbourne, Canterbury and Manly. Goobers! I’m a one eyed Tigers fan, but even I didn’t dare put us into premiership favouritism. I mean, what had really changed from last year to this year? We got rid of Lui, (a hole in defence anyway); were banking on an unproven fullback in Tedesco (shot down by the sniper); and we still had Utai named in our strongest squad (a man who will walk away from Rugby League with a larger lowlights reel than Chris Walker).  But it seems the dimwits and knuckle heads from Fox and other media outlets thought differently, and for the life of me I still can’t work out how.


And so far I’ve been proven right. I know we’ve had some injuries, but still, our defence shatters harder than a Violet Crumble and our attack thinks the try line is located on the sides of the field and not at the ends. The only positives to come out of the first 3 rounds as far as the Tigers are concerned is the sight of Matt Utai on the sidelines scoffing hot dogs and chips and the workings of a good selection policy for the cheerleader squad seems to be still producing the goods.

We have also learned that while a team has the names Slater, Cronk and Smith on a team sheet that team will be harder to beat than a Mike Tyson forehead and should be considered premiership favourites while ever those 3 individuals are on the park. It took 3 rounds for everyone to be reminded of this? Well that’s certainly the case for some of the half-wits in the media.

And what about Parramatta? These clowns supposedly bought well, but have so far come up with diddly and squat in the win’s column and have a bigger deficit in the for and against page than a Greek balance sheet. But that’s what happens when you sign a clown for 500,000 beans, who has played no rep footy, plays for himself and tries to use a shoulder charge as his primary defensive weapon while only being 5ft high and 78kg. Honestly. Things are not so bright for the blue and golds this year, I say start making room in the top draw for another spoon.

Should we start engraving?

And lastly, what about the egg heads over at South Sydney? Theses idiots have had one of the most gifted footballers on their roster, a man who can play anywhere and flatten any would be defender. A man who can run like a rabbit and hit like a storm (I’ll give myself a pat on the back for that one). That’s right, I’m talking about G.I. Did it really take this long for the wallys at Redfern to realise that he’s seen stuff all ball in nearly 2 seasons? That he started his career as a fullback? That they are paying the price of a small island for him to be there? Obviously not! At least Macquire made the change which everyone else in the world saw as a no-brainer by moving the big unit to fullback, but it still took him 3 rounds. Christ, what have they been looking at! Souths now actually look like a genuine threat with him there. And it certainly covers for Sutton’s often lack of creativity and flair, another bug bear for Souths fans.

Oh my God, I'm running! Yeeeeehaaaah!

So, there are a few things we’ve learnt from the start of the season. What about yourself?

Not happy Tim!

See ya Sheensy....Ya Prick!

Round 1 came along and I noticed one notable omission from the Tigers starting squad, Mitch Brown. I assure you he is no relation, but as an avid Tigers man I was befuddled to see his name not in the starting team. The guy is a useful utility capable of playing any back position; and he’s young.

So, please, tell me WTF has Sheensy been sorting? Instead of the reliable Brown, Sheensy, Chose that ridiculous garden stump Matt Utai! A goober who would be flat-out to see over the steering wheel of a car un-aided and who considers a step up to the urinal a task in high jump! What was he thinking! You can only not choose a bloke for so long before they get Jack of it and thus search for greener pastures. Sheensy and Co pushed him aside for too long.

Stay still ya F*/k-head, I need a boost!

With young whipper snapper James Tedesco having succumb to the Leichhardt sniper on Sunday, Brown, would have been the obvious replacement. This bought considerable comfort to many a Tiger supporter. Having someone like Brown sitting in the spares’ yard instantly took away any worry which Tedesco’s injury may have bought to our beloved team’s potency.

So, imagine how we all felt when we pick up the paper on Tuesday to find Brown had signed with that God awful mob from Bellmore. Guttered I tell you, Guttered! So now Sheens is left with 3 blokes almost at their use by dates in, Reddy, Utai and Tuqiri, and a green dick in Humble pie to fill the number 1 gernsey.

Utai should have been in NSW cup from the start. He’s useless under the high ball, a liability in defence and has the head of a busted bessa block.

Thanks Sheens, thanks!

Browny's gone?...Ooohh F*/k!

Don’t forget these awards

The Honourable S. Muller: The man courted controversy and poor performance.


Well folks, the other night at the Allan Border Medal, Michael Clarke, the golden pup of Aussie cricket, walked away with more silver ware than was on the tables and further cemented his position as Australian cricket’s main man. And good luck to the lad, he definitely was best performer for our national team this summer and proved to the Indians that even a once regarded self-indulgent, tattooed, latte sipping priss can be forgiven and embraced by a harsh public if he can do the business on the field. A lesson is surely there for some of their blokes.

So with all the Awards for best players settled neatly in the gloves for another year and Shane Warne deservedly inducted into the hall of fame, it’s time for the SSD to give its own awards out for the past year.

In recognition of all feats that have been sour, strange or forgettable during the past year of Aussie cricket, the SSD would like to celebrate these feats with the inaugural Scott Muller Awards. These awards will also include a new inductee into the C.U.N.T.S (cricketers union of non test selection) hall of shame.

  1. Most outstanding dummy spit – Simon Katich. It was hard to give this to the Kat as I am a fan, but he really bared his claws to the selectors in that press conference.
  2.  Most outstanding fall from grace – Mitchell Johnson. Johno just couldn’t get it right, but it took an injury for the selectors to finally say bon-voy-age! Johno now finds himself well down the pecking order of Australian fast bowlers, going from 1st to about 8th in about 3 months.
  3. Worst test player of the year – Brad Haddin. This hurts, but Hads has had a shocker! This chap may find himself drinking with Johno at the CUNTS bar shortly too. Hads also easily picked up the wickets for pickles award as well for his brain explosion against NZ earlier in the summer as well.
  4. Worst one day player of the year – Brad Haddin. It’s a big night for the gloveman, but he played everything up until our home one day series this year with modest returns.
  5. Worst BBL import – Paul Collingwood. Colly had a shocker, his batting was typically ugly and scoring stuff all runs only made it all the more dreadful. His finest moment came when playing the Melbourne Stars. Colly dropped two absolute sitters at cover in the space of 2 overs; hopeless from a bloke who was given an MBE for fielding.
  6. Most baffling decision – The selection of George Baily. I don’t even need to comment on this.
  7. The newest inductee into the C.U.N.T.S hall of shame is – Doug Bollinger. The rug is still a fine bowler, but after turning up to the Adelaide oval last year after what looked to be a few weeks of watching the box and downing pizzas, the Rug hasn’t been invited back. And he probably won’t be.
  8. And the final award. The Scott Muller award for 2012 goes to; Cameron White. The Bear did outstanding to be dropped from the one day side and the T20 side this year, handing back the Captaincy along the way. But, big Cam also had a forgettable BBL tournament which netted the stunning returns of: 55 runs at 7.86, striking at 75.34 and the rather large round figure of zero tallied in the wickets column. You’d have to think he can forget about a CA contract next season too. So, in true Scott Muller glory, The Bear, has been told he can’t bowl, can’t bat, and you’d have to expect, don’t come back from the selectors! Well done Bear!

Congratulations Bear! You can now permanently watch the game from the stands.

India: Buttered chickens who became Xmas turkeys!

Piss off boys! Let's hope the pilot is not as lazy as you blokes are between the wickets

As you may be aware, my tolerance for Indian cricket reached its simmering limit this summer. After watching this bunch of shit heads tour our country with contempt and tarnish the great game of cricket with their self-indulgent, destructive attitudes all while playing to the standard of a second 11 County side, I, for one, can’t wait to see the back arse of these pricks climbing into an air Indian airline who I hope will treat them with as much respect and laziness as they showed here. I definitely don’t think my spray titled “India: Rogan Tosh” came within a Bangal tiger’s dick length of expressing how frickin pissed off I’ve been with this bunch of players and their pathetic governing body.

So, I was pleasantly pleased when sorting through the fish and chip wrappers this morning to find a man, who by the looks of it, has had just about enough of this rabble as well. Malcolm Conn, of the Tele, unleashed a scathing piece on this woeful team of individuals which toured our nation, and while doing his darn best to keep within journalistic guidelines, he lets the bastards have it!

So I’ve done us all a favour and printed it here for all to see.


 Thank goodness Tuesday night’s game against Sri Lanka in Hobart will be India’s last on this tour – barring some major mathematical quirk of results which will see them make the finals.

India cannot go home soon enough to their bulging bank accounts and flat, grassless wickets. (You can say that again) 

Sachin Tendulkar’s run out for 14 at the SCG last night typified India’s tour. Pathetic.

To remonstrate that he had been blocked by Brett Lee when they barely touched was just woeful. Tendulkar was not forced to alter course and he gave up attempting to make his ground.

He may once have been the greatest modern cricketer in the world and India the new arrogant financial force in the game, but on and off the field this rabble will go home with no redeeming features.

It was yet another example of India treating the greater game with scant respect.It is impossible to believe that India was the number one Test team in the world for nigh on 20 months and won the World Cup in April.

Instead, Australia has been presented with the same under-prepared shambles who lost top place on the Test table with a 4-0 flogging in England mid-year.

This over-paid, over-indulged, over-aged bunch of prima-donnas should be ashamed of themselves.

But when you’re paid millions to frolic about in the IPL and millions more by leading Indian companies in a rapidly-expanding economy, what does it really matter?

Cricket would be a curiosity rather than a serious world sport if it was not for the money and passion of a vast Indian population.

With a billion people, an exploding middle class of 300 million and no significant competition from other sports on the global stage what does India lack, apart from decent administration and a worldly team?

Does India really care about the greater good of the game?

From the experience of this tour the answer is a resounding no.

Start with captain MS Dhoni. In remarkable displays of incompetence, or lack of caring, he has been suspended for slow overrates during the Test and one-day series.Of all the records ever set in cricket how many skippers will manage to get themselves suspended twice on the same tour in different forms of the game?

India treated its passionate and vocal supporters with contempt (locking them out of training sessions), remains in the Stone Age as the only country which refuses to embrace technology for umpiring decisions and makes no attempt to promote the game.

Tendulkar, the most loved and admired player in the game, has made no effort to address his many fans at any stage during more two months on tour.

The only time he managed to utter anything to anyone besides his team mates and staff came before yesterday’s match.

He made a short thank-you speech after being awarded honorary membership of the Sydney Cricket Ground, where he has a Test average of 157.
Is India ever going to embrace the global cricket community, or remain just a whinging, home ground bully?

Malcolm, I couldn’t have said it any better.

Cheers to you mate.

A couple of thoughts for the comming season

I’m going to put a couple of thoughts on table for all to see, as well as put some Nostradamus predictions for NRL 2012 on the goal post.

  1. If Wayne Bennett manages to get the Newcastle Knights to finish in the top 4, surely he then can be placed head and shoulders above any coach in history. I personally don’t think he needs a premiership to confirm that status. A consistent competitive outfit which finishes in the top 4 will be all I need for proof of his greatness.
  2. Souths will most likely stumble again, and I’m thinking big bopers Inglis and Burgess may yet have another tampon riddled season which will cruel their side’s hopes for the year.
  3. Manly may still have a pretty good playing roster, but how long will it be before Choc starts to slide off the tracks and derails a few of the blokes around him? This bloke is a bit of loose one off the field. Not only has Toovey got that to contend with, but he also has to contend with, perhaps, slightly lower enthusiasm levels from the playing group (It can take a whole season to get over a mad Monday celebration following a grand final win); high expectations towards him from the board, players and fans; AND, if either the halfback or Stewart get injured this season, kiss it good bye boys. 
  4. I actually think the Chooks could build on their late season form from last year and silently make their way into contention, just like they did 2 years ago.
  5. I seriously believe the Dragons will fall off the wheel come mid year. With origin games placing a strain, Bennett’s dust finally disappearing and Pricie’s rein taking full hold, the Dragons will lose focus and wobble. I think injuries will also play a big factor for them this year, as in I see some significant ones on the horizon.  
  6. The Sharks will actually have a good year this season. I reckon a top 8 birth is looking pretty solid at this stage and I also think that the likes of Carney and Gallon will stay fit for most of the year.
  7. It will be no change at Bellmore, the Dog’s fans will still be a bunch of frickin wankers! Isn’t there a soccer team they could follow?
  8. Robert Lui will be a better foil for JT than the last bloke was. However, Lui will still be the biggest hole seen in a defensive line since the Italian army of WWII.  I don’t know if Henery did his home work, but in defence, the side with Lui plays a man down. Utterly useless!
  9. While we are on Robert Lui, I know there is one person who is praying that the Cowboys win the GF this year, and that’s Mrs Lui. I don’t know how much Lui and his missus have in common, I’m guessing not much, however, I know they share the same defensive skills. So a long bender of celebrations for Robert rather than a night of defeat followed by a boxing lesson would be definitely more appealing to Mrs Lui.
  10. Sam Burgess will continue his good form off the field in the Kings cross area cutting a swath through the inner city precinct, leaving a bevy limping women in his wake. 


So boys, what do you think about Dragons and Souths year?

Dribblers, after watching the charity shield, what are your early thoughts on how the Dragons and Souths go this year?


The Dragons?Bunnies?

It’s footy time again!

Righto wafflers, it’s that just about that wonderful time of year again. The Start of the NRL footy season!

So let’s get in early, put in your top 8 predictions for the year, don’t worry it doesn’t have to be in order, but put down who you believe will be there at the business end of the season.

For you creative dribblers out  there, feel free to post any elaborations about your choices.

Here are mine:

Melbourne (best spine in the comp)

Tigers (of course I would pick them)

Bulldogs (F#*king Des!)

Cronulla (Comon Carney!)

North Queensland (the wife beater knows how to play outside a genius)

Brisbane (lots of young guns)

Warriors (Can’t leave them out)

Knights (good spine, great coach)

It was tough I know, some real rough ones there. I left out Manly because I don’t think they can have an injury free run like they did last year. Stewart or Evans get injured and ther’re cooked! The chooks, Parra and Canberra will battle it out for with who ever comes 8, but will ultimately be left short. And I’m sorry Dragons fans, but your Bennette hangover will only last until mid season, after which time you will be f#*ked!

Equal rights? Give yourselves an uppercut!

A few years back, women’s’ tennis pulled the wool over the world’s eyes and claimed that women were deserved of  the same prize money as the men’s. At the time, the regime thought that, we, the tennis public watchers of the 4 majors only, would agree with the tennis administrators in the knowledge the women’s game is close to the popularity of the men’s and is therefore  just as entitled to the games riches. Well, like an infant we accepted that tosh served up from our tennis superiors and gleefully clapped the female tennis stars who could now stand shoulder to shoulder with their opposite gender under an equal opportunity employer. Don’t make me sick!’

Holding this trophy was harder than my match

Tell me something, can you tell me of an employer who gives one gender the same pay cheque as the other for doing half the work? Well that’s exactly what’s happening in the screech filled world of women’s tennis. Women are collecting the same prize money as the men, yet, they still only play a maximum of 3 sets compared to the men’s 5. That’s right, at the Aussie open Victoria screecharanka and Maria Yellitover played just over an hour and collected the same purse’s as Novac and Rafa after the later 2 played the longest final in history. To put that into numbers, the screech fest that was the women’s final was just 1/6 of the length of the mens. That’s Bullshit!

I say, women should be playing 5 sets – at least at the majors – if they want to be collecting the same dosh, or pay them accordingly. It’s a discrimination issue the fact that we mollycoddle these women claiming they can’t play more than 3. Give me a break!

The women these days are fitter than they’ve ever been. And you can’t tell me you would’nt want to see a couple of the broads currently slapping the yellow furies to be on court for longer. Who would say they’ve had enough of  watching Anna Ivanivich bound around the court? Please.

So boys, make some noise and shake some trees, this ain’t on. If they want to collect a man’s pay, play the man’s way!

I need a stretcher and a drip; I'm fucked!

Support from the Colonel is a sure recipie for the back door

What are you doing next summer boys?

Alright wafflers I’m sure you have been enjoying a giggle or two when ever the cricket takes a break and cuts to a KFC commercial. You know the ones I’m talking about, starring some of Aussie cricket’s most recent discards; Smith, White, D. Hussey and Johnson. You’d have to agree with me, to think that all 4 would be on the outer by mid summer with Johnson and White in particular having as much prospect of returning as a follow-up phone call after a one night stand is something that not even Nostradamus could have predicted.

 And you’d have to feel hard done by if you were on the Colonel’s side of the desk, choosing 4 players seemingly entrenched in at least one of the national sides, in particular the T20 side, would seem a sure bet, right? But maybe KFC’s new sandwich was concocted under a ladder and a black cat was one of the 11 secret herbs and spices, that may go someway to explaining how much bad luck these 4 boys have had since making the commercial. However, one sponsor’s misfortune could be another’s gain. This may be a opprtunity for  a more appropriate sponsor to seize upon the current situation presented by the boys’ hard luck and use this not so fab four for one of its commercials, the Reject Shop or The  Seconds Factory Outlet do come to mind.

And while we are on sponsors lacking foresight, which egg head from Vodafone chose Doug the Rugg for their Ad? Using Johnson I can understand, he was entrenched, but the Rugg? He had definitely played his final test last year. Ruggie’s manager really pulled the wool over Vodafone’s eyes with that swifty, the wally was probably hoping for a viewers verdict moment in the hope of bringing the Rugg back!

Watch out Hads, your next on the Colonel's list

Though, looking to next summer, you’d have to be nuts if you were a prospective sponsor considering  to slot Haddin into one of your Ads, and you definitely wouldn’t be chasing Phil Hughes for a front line spot on the box either. Then again, on current form,  Haddin, should run a thousand miles in the opposite direction if KFC come a’ knocking looking for a safe set of hands to promote whatever new grease box they bring out, just look at what happened to the last lot who promoted something new.

Dane Eldridge Tries Hard

Contemporary rugby league surrealism and hot takes on Shane Warne