India: Buttered chickens who became Xmas turkeys!

Piss off boys! Let's hope the pilot is not as lazy as you blokes are between the wickets

As you may be aware, my tolerance for Indian cricket reached its simmering limit this summer. After watching this bunch of shit heads tour our country with contempt and tarnish the great game of cricket with their self-indulgent, destructive attitudes all while playing to the standard of a second 11 County side, I, for one, can’t wait to see the back arse of these pricks climbing into an air Indian airline who I hope will treat them with as much respect and laziness as they showed here. I definitely don’t think my spray titled “India: Rogan Tosh” came within a Bangal tiger’s dick length of expressing how frickin pissed off I’ve been with this bunch of players and their pathetic governing body.

So, I was pleasantly pleased when sorting through the fish and chip wrappers this morning to find a man, who by the looks of it, has had just about enough of this rabble as well. Malcolm Conn, of the Tele, unleashed a scathing piece on this woeful team of individuals which toured our nation, and while doing his darn best to keep within journalistic guidelines, he lets the bastards have it!

So I’ve done us all a favour and printed it here for all to see.


 Thank goodness Tuesday night’s game against Sri Lanka in Hobart will be India’s last on this tour – barring some major mathematical quirk of results which will see them make the finals.

India cannot go home soon enough to their bulging bank accounts and flat, grassless wickets. (You can say that again) 

Sachin Tendulkar’s run out for 14 at the SCG last night typified India’s tour. Pathetic.

To remonstrate that he had been blocked by Brett Lee when they barely touched was just woeful. Tendulkar was not forced to alter course and he gave up attempting to make his ground.

He may once have been the greatest modern cricketer in the world and India the new arrogant financial force in the game, but on and off the field this rabble will go home with no redeeming features.

It was yet another example of India treating the greater game with scant respect.It is impossible to believe that India was the number one Test team in the world for nigh on 20 months and won the World Cup in April.

Instead, Australia has been presented with the same under-prepared shambles who lost top place on the Test table with a 4-0 flogging in England mid-year.

This over-paid, over-indulged, over-aged bunch of prima-donnas should be ashamed of themselves.

But when you’re paid millions to frolic about in the IPL and millions more by leading Indian companies in a rapidly-expanding economy, what does it really matter?

Cricket would be a curiosity rather than a serious world sport if it was not for the money and passion of a vast Indian population.

With a billion people, an exploding middle class of 300 million and no significant competition from other sports on the global stage what does India lack, apart from decent administration and a worldly team?

Does India really care about the greater good of the game?

From the experience of this tour the answer is a resounding no.

Start with captain MS Dhoni. In remarkable displays of incompetence, or lack of caring, he has been suspended for slow overrates during the Test and one-day series.Of all the records ever set in cricket how many skippers will manage to get themselves suspended twice on the same tour in different forms of the game?

India treated its passionate and vocal supporters with contempt (locking them out of training sessions), remains in the Stone Age as the only country which refuses to embrace technology for umpiring decisions and makes no attempt to promote the game.

Tendulkar, the most loved and admired player in the game, has made no effort to address his many fans at any stage during more two months on tour.

The only time he managed to utter anything to anyone besides his team mates and staff came before yesterday’s match.

He made a short thank-you speech after being awarded honorary membership of the Sydney Cricket Ground, where he has a Test average of 157.
Is India ever going to embrace the global cricket community, or remain just a whinging, home ground bully?

Malcolm, I couldn’t have said it any better.

Cheers to you mate.

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1 Comment

  1. Dane

     /  February 28, 2012

    Christ that was searing! I like!


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Dane Eldridge Tries Hard

Contemporary rugby league surrealism and hot takes on Shane Warne

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