Give nine-fingered Warner the thumbs down

An infected hair follicle on an Australian fast bowler’s upper thigh will result in mass paranoia in the team’s medical ranks these days.

A routine lancing together with a skin care pamphlet from a local dermatologist will be declined in favour of a total overreaction, where the player in question will be slid through MRIs, CATs and X-rays before being placed on ice indefinitely until he can safely put on a pair of pants again without feeling slight discomfort.

Warner may never press a stamp on a letter again.

Warner may never press a stamp on a letter again.

As for the batsmen?

Short of a having a cherried limb dangling from the torso, major brain surgery or just being Shane Watson, you’ll be given nada love from the white coats and told in no uncertain terms to whack a pad on your ailment and take block.

The current case in point is David Warner.

Right now, a joint in the high-traffic part of the opener’s thumb is still badly cracked meaning it’s probably not in the right state to deal with the weight of international-standard red projectiles, be it at the crease or on the bullet corral near point and gully.

However, it seems the cotton wool approach so loved by the Australian hierarchy for bowlers has been canned for Warner in favour of unconvincing choruses of ‘she’ll be right’, and he may be risked to play subject to a late test.

My question is, if the damage is still so raw and extended irreversible mangling is a possibility, why is he even being considered?

The possibility of long-term structural damage to a valuable thumb on the fast hands of our valuable top-order TNT should make this selection unreasonable from the get-go.

What Warner had to say this week, while admirable in its desire to give the proverbial left plum for the colours, was a little concerning to say the least.

”I have a crack in the joint,” he said. ”Where the joint moves, in the corner, I have cracked that part, which in the healing process can be worse if it’s aggravated and if I put cortisone in there.

”They’ve told me if it keeps moving around it won’t heal properly and it can affect me down the track, so I might not have that range of movement in that joint for a long time.”

Now, surprising to most, I’m no quack. But even I reckon that sounds a wee bit alarming. Range of movement? For a long time?

Surely that kind of medical phrasing has to prick a Cricket Australia doctor’s paranoid ears in a similar fashion to fatigue, general soreness or a hamstring strain, all of which have been worthy of cricketing downtime this summer for the bowlers.

You could be forgiven for thinking the Australian ranks are awash with curative prejudice towards those with willow in hand.

What makes the push to play a nine-fingered Warner even more bewildering is the Partridge Family travelling squad that has made the trip. The bus of reinforcements is so large that the selectors wouldn’t even be forced to give Usman Khawaja a start, which we all know they will make any excuse to avoid.

And if it’s the firebrand leftie who is showing the surplus bravado and pushing the selection envelope, then the doctors need to grow a backbone and implement the same “Pete Siddle is talking out of his arse as he’s still delirious from his 125 overs in Adelaide” ruling that was forcefully deployed on those excessively roasted patriots pre-WACA test this summer.

Help me people. Where is the consistency in the application of Australian cricketing medicine?

Leave a comment

1 Comment

  1. Anonymous

     /  February 21, 2013

    You’re not a quacj?


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Dane Eldridge Tries Hard

Contemporary rugby league surrealism and hot takes on Shane Warne

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