Australia’s skinny concern for T20

Here’s some sage fashion advice to our dearly beloved at the Australian cricket offices.

For heaven’s sake, get out of your flares every once in a while and put on some skinny jeans.

Please move with the times and accept that trendy 20 over cricket is nowadays a relevant and fashionable set of trousers. Everybody else on the planet has embraced this fabric of high demand except for us.

And before you ask; yes, you can still wear your favourite denims when required. We will always unconditionally love the comfortable and valued pair of strides that have hugged the national backside over the years.

That’s a spinner and that’s another Aussie bat exiting the arena.

Just stop neglecting the size 20 skinnies.

When are the structures of Aussie cricket going to start treating the compact game with respect?

Our recent series loss to Pakistan seemed to indicate that we are still unfashionably off the pace in the modern game of funk and innovation.

The 3 match encounter, played within roughly 40 metres of the sun in the stinking hot United Arab Emirates, was dotted with some shameful permutations that saw yet another lowering of the national colours to levels of unchartered depths.

A retina-offending collapse for 89 in the first game and a bereft display to good twirl and clutch coolness in game 2 was offset slightly by a thunderous thrashing of an opposition at ease in the final game, a win which only served to cover up our overall shortcomings like a Gray Nicolls youth’s box would cloak an elephant’s trunk.

The reminders of our predicament were plentiful and dire, so much that at one point our once-bulletproof brand dropped to 10th in the world rankings behind cricketing small fries Ireland.

That’s right, the Irish cricket team. Modest, semi-pro and fully-drunk. And for a fleeting moment, officially considered a better side than Australia.

On the eve of the ICC World Twenty20 Championship, this is a wake-up call akin to 7 alarm clocks bleating in unison at 3am after a night out. Is it going to be enough for us to start giving a continental about this form of the game?

Australia’s record of having won 4 of 13 matches since the current rankings period began in August 2010 should’ve had the hierarchy itching in those comfy strides already, but it appears not.

I wonder if they have a contingency plan in place for this important tournament to combat our batsmen’s clockwork asphyxiation when facing spin?

And the fact our tweaking abilities are better known in cricketing parlance as slow straight-break, however only in the event that the ball actually pitches?

Do they realise that Cameron White was seriously recalled to the team?


20 over cricket is no longer just in place for a few dares between mates to switch-hit while wearing a new illuminated kit with fluoro trim. Unfortunately however, it seems the finger of indifference still remains firmly in the Australian proverbial, and this is also evident when you see the bedroom eyes our domestic competition has recently made towards the athletic red carpet.

Don’t get me wrong; the popcorn-chomping adventure fan in me would love to see a mesh of disciplines involving superstars like Usain Bolt and Yohan Blake playing in the Big Bash. But if we are serious about catching up to within a respectable gap of the front-runners on the world stage, shouldn’t we get serious and save those spots for some local youngsters who can come in and try and bazooka the heads off competent batsman as practice for higher honours?

When Andrew Johns strode to the wicket with the willow in one hand and a lump of anxiety in his dacks all of those years back, I doubted television could’ve got any better. But those days, much like the shaded reggies Joey was wearing that day, are long gone.

Now I just want to see our team and its front office start to play harder and smarter for the only international trophy it doesn’t own. Or at least move up the rankings away from an area where Ireland and Zimbabwe keep us company.

Embrace the skinny jeans. Wriggle into them when you can and wear them in. And stop getting embarrassingly caught in the zipper.


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1 Comment

  1. Mate, you have touched on a topic that most keened eyed sport’s fans have beam conveniently ignoring for some time now. I can tell you we are not that shit at the Gen Y game. But, like hair in a drain pipe, there’s a blockage in the collective cricket psyche of Australian leather bashers and followers to embrace the slap happy game. It’s as if we can’t take the next step in cricket’s evolution for fear of the Don rolling in his grave or perhaps offending the former Big fella from channel 9 and their role in our history. These two Golieths of our sport hang over our game as figure heads to be revered as well as thanked.
    The problem we have at the moment is not our ability, the problem is we are actually scared to say we like it.


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Dane Eldridge Tries Hard

Contemporary rugby league surrealism and hot takes on Shane Warne

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