NSW needs to keep it real and retain Slick Rick

It’s not often that you have a light and airy 90’s synth-pop song bouncing around in your head in the approach to a behemoth traffic-halting Origin decider.

However, as I consider the possibility of our pugnacious el capitano Ricky Stuart leaving the Blues at the completion of this series, I have the pulse and repetition of mainstay musical outfit KWS and their cover version of a KC and the Sunshine Band classic playing inside my mind.

“Please don’t go… Don’t go… Don’t go away…” 

(The excitement of a possible unlikely series win and a recently consumed can of Red Bull dictates that my brain jukebox plays the energetic 90’s cover over the subdued KC version. However, I digress on the back of caffeine.)

Check out that watch and check out that weapon.

It is these simple words from a group of underrated musical geniuses that burn through the blue sky like a flare and echo the sentiments of the southern state.

NSW’s renaissance needs to maintain it’s collaboration with Stuart to survive just like modern rap requires buckets of profanities. To prosper and remain relevant, a coarse edginess and brash junkyard demeanour is required for both.

Stuart’s cocky street-fighter style is the sole reason that our formerly ragged and reticent state side is in this series right up to it’s 12 carat grill and Ray Bans.

What was before an under confident and scruffy pub performer singing cat-suffocating covers has now been given a contemporary haircut and had a processor applied to his once tryptophan-like voice. There’s scantily-clad ladies gyrating on podiums in the background and he’s labouring under the weight of 7 chunky gold chains and a Rolex the size of a small army tank.

The ragged beanie has been replaced with a cap, and you know it’s on backwards.

All thanks to Stuart, our team has been pimped with self-belief and now they’ve got heat-packing Compton swagger.

He’s made it funky to be Blue again.

Now before I get a broadside from the northside who will be cussin’ and playa-hatin’ about how we haven’t won anything yet, let me say this.

Ricky’s fiery approach has ever so slightly bumped Mal Meninga and his mixing decks, resulting in a small scratch on the vinyl and a base line beat being just a tad imbalanced from it’s normal harmony and unison.

Basically, the whole Queensland track about world beating, chest puffing and money making isn’t murdered yet, but the MC is scrambling for an improvised way to finalise a muffed-up rhyming couplet after 7 consecutive verses of unbroken rhythmic street poetry.

How else would you explain the events of the last few weeks?

Naming a squad of 20 in alphabetical order, picking injured players, breaking the loyalty ethos by excluding one of the family, throwing in an unproven rookie and enforcing a media ban is the kind of behaviour usually exhibited by struggling Blues campaigns from the past who were straining for any type of advantage.

Is this the regular confident conduct from the street-ruling maroon bandannas?

You know the answer is ‘hella no.’

Stuart has got the Maroons looking over the shoulder for the first time in years.

What used to be a small compact car in the Queensland rear view mirror has now transformed in to a bitumen-bounding hydraulic-fitted sedan with some Snoop blaring, and it’s roared right up beside the reigning champs at the lights with the gang inside screaming the crudest mumma jokes you’ve ever heard.

The sky blue state no longer cowers thanks to the coach and his pursuit of lost street cred.

ANZ Stadium is now officially ‘cauldronised’, the reinvigorated faithful are following him like extras in a drop-top Cadillac in a Tupac video, and he’s assembled a robust nucleus of thugs that are inciting hate in the Queensland public for the first time in years which is a long way from our revolving studio door of used-and-abused poptarts from previous failed bids.

The NSW game has never looked stronger in this fruitless and never-ending bloody turf war of the last 7 years.

To those in power in the NSW projects, take this advice.

Regardless of Wednesday’s result, do whatever it takes to keep Stuart as the B.I.G. of this operation indefinitely.

No bling is too pricey, no backstage demand too outrageous, no bottle of criss too extravagant. Just keep the man on the mic.

I don’t want our proud state to go back to being synth-pop softies.

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4 Comments

  1. I’m no Sticky fan, but I have to admit he has made blue culture beat again. Years down the track Sticky will be rembered and revered amongst future blue’s squads for putting the P into passion and reinvigorating (or starting) blue’s culture. Of course, we have to win first or none of this will ever come to pass. Only a win at Suncorp on Wednesday will etch his name into origin mythology.
    But you would have to wonder about the sanity of the bloke, he wants to get back into club coaching. Club coaching is an 11 month a year job. It includes a media scrum for 7 out of those 11 months, 8 if you make the finals, comes with back room fighting, player discontent and fan abuse and that’s only scratching the chalk! On the other hand, Origin coaching is said to be a 9 month a year job. But you would have to woinder how 7 out of those 9 months are actually spent. Watching NRL games, making phone calls to players, watching origin re-plays? Please, It’s a 4 month job at best. Origin coaching has got to be the best coaching gig in the game. You have players wanting to play their arse off for you and you only have to coach 3 games. And now the NSWRL is considering paying Stick up to $500 000 for this! That’s more than a lot of coaches get now. Come on Stick, get your head read son.

    Reply
    • You read my mind son! I was going to ask you what you thought the money would be like as Blues coach, and if it’s even close to 500k then he’s purely insane if he wants to give it away! A highly strung man of Sticky’s ilk should do whatever it takes to stay away from the 11 month media scrum of NRL, and half a mill a year should grease the wheels.

      Reply
      • I can tell you he’s on 150 000k right now. There is that much of a push for him to stay on that a figure of 500 000 is being seriously considered. If i were him, i’d take it. Club land is a lion’s den.

      • Agreed brother. Passion for a premiership can take a back seat to that gold-plated 3 month project.

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Dane Eldridge Tries Hard

Contemporary rugby league surrealism and hot takes on Shane Warne

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