Mum… Mal’s crying again

Remember the spoilt kid on The Simpsons who made his generous mum buy 2 copies of ‘Bonestorm’ because he didn’t want to share it with his sister?

Up in Queensland, such grouchy petulance in the face of copious treasure exists in the form of Mal Meninga.

He’s the loaded kid with all the latest toys and gadgets in pristine working order, but this won’t stop him finding a fault to crow about even after he’s been given the latest X-Box.

After another Maroons victory in game 1 last Wednesday, he still managed to find a bee in his bonnet that deserved column space on Sunday.

Mal: watching another dish leave his table.

He stamped his feet over the lack of champagne feedback his troops received, threw around a few of his customary paranoid conspiracy theories regarding the southern media, found some rough pineapples for his side in the adjudication and then iced the cake by stating he agreed with the green light for ‘that try.’

Fair dinkers Mal, what more do you want?

Isn’t 6.33 years of success adequate for you to sit back in your fruit shop and enjoy a mandarin of content?

Is not continually parching NSW’s well of esteem to a dry and crinkly state enough to stop you kicking your dog when you get home?

Obviously he has become stale in the job. Only a man in the throes of the darkest boredom would find something to whinge about from his perch of repeated triumph like he does.

Amongst the passage of fussin’ is a broadside at the NSW media and their supposed counterplot which is a dead-set collector’s piece.

Accusing the Sydney pen brigade’s prolonged post-Etihad bleating of being an attempt to stir up the faithful into a frenzy for Origin II is so absurdly ironic that even black pots and misunderstood kettles around the globe are shaking their heads in disbelief.

These sun-soaked jokers in Queensland have been using this shonky approach from the days when Jesus played on the wing for Nazareth.

Creating a siege mentality and a manic audience sits high and proud on their list of priorities between ‘breathing’ and ‘XXXX’.

And now Coach Mal has put that old chestnut in the sling-shot and prematurely fired it across the Tweed, all from the warm and cosy confines of the bosom of victory.

Can you imagine the poo-flinging and toy-tossing if his mob lost?

There wouldn’t be enough Kleenex and bribing candy to get the former national skipper to be a good boy and stop caterwauling.

We all thought that he had indulged in too much pineapple juice at the end of last year’s series with his outrageous ‘rats and filth’ tirade that simply had to be seen to be believed. But it appears resisting the temptation to unload in the press about trivial pith is not something that his trademark stinging defence can stand up to.

Will this be the last time he spits in disgust at a dish of outstanding quality only because he spots a miniscule stain on the tablecloth on which it is served?

In light of all this, there was one thing in the Queensland coach’s article that I did agree with.

Remember Jarryd Hayne’s fluffy fist to Jonathon Thurston’s head and the following drama sports from the halfback? Meninga thought there should’ve been a penalty at this point in time.

I’m with you all the way on that one, Mal.

Thurston was flopping in the ruck for way too long on that play.

Leave a comment


  1. Very true. If this is the way he carries on when they win, then God save us when they lose. However, I do put some of his toy chucking down to the modern NRL coach’s (and a team’s for that matter) unrelenting desire to attain underdog status prior to game night.

    • Mr Eldridge 2.0

       /  May 31, 2012

      It is a habit of the modern boss.

      I even saw the Harlem Globetrotter’s coach try and drum up a siege mentality the other day.


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Dane Eldridge Tries Hard

Contemporary rugby league surrealism and hot takes on Shane Warne

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