Incense, chanting and treasured Blue memories

There are raging torrents of negative energy cascading through the chakras of us NSW Origin fans over the recent months and the issue needs to be addressed for the good of our wellbeing.

An affirmative spiritual recalibration is required pronto, otherwise the duration of the series may be spent shielding our pretty blue eyes from the pain by watching cooked turkeys of a different kind on Masterchef.

Don’t we deserve something that we can blindly cling to after the blatantly grotty hand of cards we’ve been dealt in the approach to the series?

2005 Joey: the mid-range hair length days.

Injuries, suspensions and speculation have merged as one overpowering bully and left our humble plans for recovery of street cred cowering like a frightened school kid.

Waves of bad luck have repeatedly dumped upon our plans. Even black cats and broken mirrors stuck in a rut of poor performance have been hanging around the squad like a bad smell in the hope of a confidence boost.

A repetitive and gory nightmare she’s been, and we haven’t even seen a montage of sickly Queensland inspirational plays and memorable moments yet.

So I’m taking it upon myself to pump some essential oxygen back into the deflated chest of NSW by clutching at any notion that can potentially kick negativity square in the nads.

There’s a few basic methods from the kooky freethinker digest that we can employ: lighting some incense and repeating mental images of forceful Chief Harragon hit-ups, crossing the legs into a meditation pose and chanting ‘Freddy’ in a resonant and haunting tone, or donning a sky blue gown and performing a yoga routine that finishes in a nose-to-nose confrontation with an Innisfail banana in the furious Terry Hill motif from yore.

These are all techniques that are new age, progressive and shrouded in tie-dye and lavender smoke, and they may be effective for some. But let’s get footy serious and use our league smarts.

The Italian Mountain Cat.

What about some fundamental mesmeric reinforcement of contented and blessed times by looking way back to the last time we pinched the chocolates?

I’m pleading via the means of Gregorian chant to the League Lama for something lying amongst these treasured memories that we can salvage as a pithy band-aid on our fractured and bloodstained self-esteem.

Play your waterfall CD, close your eyes and don’t think about Michael Jennings. Transport yourself to that spiritual happy place in your grey matter.

The year was 2005. Also commonly known as a bloody long, long time ago.

A time so distant in the rear-view mirror that Billy Slater was dropped for poor form and NSW had the capability to win a series with 2 games in Brisbane.

Enjoy these fading memories.

Game 1: A game that induces NSW puke still to this very day. The Blues started like a cold 1980 Datsun and were down 19-0 in front of a boorish assembly of bloodthirsty Maroons at Suncorp before silencing the lot of them with a late flurry and sending the match to added tick-tock.

Then in one hazardous cut-out pass from Brett Kimmorley it was curtains. Matt Bowen swooped to score the winning try and it ended 24-20 to the home side.

Photoshop is an amazing invention.

Queensland 1 – NSW 0.

Game 2: The return of Andrew Johns for the game in Sydney had the Blues faithful frisky for a leveller, but things weren’t looking cherry ripe at half-time when Queensland lead 12-8.

However, a second half magician’s workshop from Johns that was ably assisted by a virtuoso Anthony Minichiello display saw the Blues dominate and pocket a 32-22 victory to send the series north on a delicate precipice.

Queensland 1 – NSW 1.

Game 3: The tang factor doesn’t get much more tart than an Origin decider, and the build-up to this was no different. Blues fans were stoked when it turned out to be a gigantic anti-climax with their side accelerating to a 32-0 lead after an hour’s play.

They were never headed from there and took the spoils with a 32-10 thumping thanks to another majestic hand from Johns. In an ironic outcome considering the dross effort from the Maroons, former garbo Matt King finished the night with 3 tries.

NSW clinch the series 2-1.  

Fantastic memories. Can the 2012 Blues pull something out of the hat to match this?

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Dane Eldridge Tries Hard

Contemporary rugby league surrealism and hot takes on Shane Warne

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