A call to all lunatics!

Only 7 weeks into the league season and Melbourne are looking to have already planted one finger on the trophy. Early days I know, but their form is indisputable. Possessing the defensive resolve of the Dragons 2010 and the flair of the Tigers 2005, the Storm are on track to seep all before them.

Currently, Smith, Cronk and Slater are playing like demigods, running an absolute muck on the field. Demonstrating skill sets from the Divine, and executing set plays like circus performers, the 3 amigos are finding holes in opposition defensive lines like 007 agents armed with GPS trackers and radio wrist watches. At present, the big 3 are sending all opposing teams into submission and are proving a constant source of despare for enemy fans.

Who's going to stop these guys?

So before we all start screwing up our early season TAB tickets for our other premiership winners, let’s see if anyone in the competition can stand up and take one for the average punter.

What do I mean by taking one for the average punter you ask?

I mean I’m asking for the Tommy Raudonikis’s, the Noel Kellys and the Adrien Morelys of the game to stand up and save rugby league from another Storm grand final appearance.

We need a lunatic on the field willing to take matters into his own hands on behalf of all rugby league supporters and effectively end the Storm’s run to an inevitable date with the GF. An experienced campaigner in the dark arts of the swinging arm, cocked elbow or spear-tackle could be just the tonic to stop one of the big 3 and place a halt on the silverware heading to Mexico.

I know it’s not in the game’s spirit, but you could say neither was putting these 3 wunder-kids in the same frickin team. And much to the dismay of average Joe rugby league supporter, these 3 have a few more years together still to come.

No way am I advocating season ending or career threatening bust ups. But a well-timed blow towards the pointer end of the season resulting in a few weeks on the sidelines is just what all punters would like and need to see happen. Otherwise, we may as well charge up the engraver and pack the confetti cannons with purple and white streamers.   

So who in the competion would be the likely foot soldiers to carry out such a role?

Here are 4 troops I have nominated who have proven ability to implement such a call.  

Frank's guns need to be called into action.

Frank Pritchard. Frank the tank needs to unleash one of his famous shoulders into the jaws of one these blokes. A Slater kick return straight into an awaiting left shoulder bone could be just enough to flattern Billy the kid and the Storm’s hopes of another GF appearence.

Tony Williams. Having near perfected the spear-tackle, Williams needs to put Smithy’s head somewhere between the top layer of soil and the drainage system under ANZ stadium to stop the trophy getting on a bus to Melbourne in September.

Michael Crocker. A former Storm player himself, Crocker surely feels a little jealous that he’s not playing with that mob. Crocker needs to direct those envious feelings fair into the melon of an unsuspecting Cronk. A late hit after a mid field bomb will do nicely.

Bryce Gibbs. Although Gibbsy has a relatively clean record, he is known for brain-snaps and general boof-headness. A well picked fight from another Sharks player to one of the three stooges should have Gibbs running to join like a buzzard to a pig pen. Once there, Gibbs, will be able to unleash the mental case inside and duly put one of the Storm’s stars into the coma ward for a few rounds.

Ashton Sims. This unit is another player who hasn’t seen the walls of the judiciary too often, but last week’s effort on Jack Bosden proved that if Simo doesn’t like you then expect some special treatment. If Simo can get a hold of Smithy, a huge swinging arm and a driving elbow to Smithy’s moscow will require a visit to the plastic surgeon to correct the nose that was once on Smithy’s face.

So boys, there you have it, a call to arms for the thug inside our rugby league players. Stop the trophy heading south and make the finals a fair contest. Your code needs you!

Tommy: "Your Game needs you!"

Leave a comment


  1. The Senior

     /  April 20, 2012

    Still 19 rounds to go and any of those mentioned could carry out your instructions just before G.F.time.something needs to be done.

    On another matter, To answer your question about Bob Fulton,I can say I consider he would have been a champion in any era.
    It hurts to praise a player who turned out for the seagulls from the North and the latte sippers from eastern suburbs.
    He was brilliant.

  2. Mr Eldridge 2.0

     /  April 20, 2012

    Which coach is going to take the responsibility of selecting an unknown kid to be the sacrificial lamb for one of these required decapitations?

    They have an obligation to the game to do so.

    • Mate, you’d have to look at coaches who, one know there position is safe, and two, can afford to lose the player he chooses for a few rounds. So to my mind that clearly leaves Dezie. His job is safe no matter what happens this year and he has long history with Bellache and the Storm. It’s a perfect mix. So it’s up to Dezie and Frankie to save the game this year.


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Dane Eldridge Tries Hard

Contemporary rugby league surrealism and hot takes on Shane Warne

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