The Augusta yips…. again!

Surprise, surprise! We, the Australian golfing public, are going to go home empty-handed again from the Masters this year. As a nation, our collective sporting focus narrows at around the same time each year to a golf tournament in the south of the USA. A tournament which time after time has left us clasping to the faint hope that this could be the year when we can finally shake the monkey, now turned gorilla, off the national back. Yet, year after year, after being dangled like a carrot in front of public starved of golfing silverware, the coveted and elusive green jacket is kept from us like  presents on Christmas Eve.

Sorry, not for you.

The Masters Jacket is one of the more glaring holes missing in our sporting wardrobe. We can understand that we are not going to possess a Soccer World Cup, and we can safely say that a national Ice Hockey trophy will remain on foreign soils. But a Masters’ win is a something which I’m sure every Australian should expect to be on our score sheet. Pencilled next to a tennis grand slam or Rugby world cup, a master’s golf victory is something that should surely be demanded by the masses.

Why, oh why Greenth Jacket, Why have you foresaken me?

As a nation who has some rich golfing history you would expect a green jacket to be just….well… there. In fact, if you consider the players we have produced over the years, our contributions to the sport and the countless missed opportunities at the Augusta course we deserve one! It’s our God Damn sporting right! It’s a travesty and a sporting wrong that we do not possess this win on our national score card. I mean, for God sakes we have a Tour d` France Jersy and a gold medal in an Ice skating sprint, two of the more unlikely notches on the belt, yet we can’t seem to hole a few fricken putts to claim what should be ours? To top it off, and what really puts the cheese in my sauce, is the fact that a country like South Africa, whom we regularly beat at almost anything, have produced no less than 3 Masters’ winners for 5 Masters’ wins.

The greedy pricks! In pure sporting terms, I would definitely put our nation’s sporting prowess ahead of that mob, but with a scorecard reading 5 to blot at golf’s most prestigious major, another failure is another ego bruising experience for the Aussie sports punter. I just can’t understand how we’ve managed to stay scoreless for so many years.

Not possessing a green jacket is becoming downright embarrassing, especially when you consider our national standing in the sport, we currently sit 5th in terms of major wins as a country, and it’s not like we haven’t had the stock over the years to do it. From Thomson, Graham and Norman to Ogilvy, Scott and Day a win at Augusta now stands as the biggest priority for Aussie sport. Forget the Olympics, forget the Rugby League World Cup, forget the fricken GFC; this has become a national emergency! We must mobilize our recourses and beat the Augusta yips, chalk one up in a box which has been frustratingly empty for far too long and kick that gorilla fair in the arse over the ditch.

"That's right you filthy Aussie pricks, this makes number 5 for South Africa"

Leave a comment


  1. Mr Eldridge 2.0

     /  April 9, 2012

    Get a government committee on to this shit ASAP!

  2. The Senior.

     /  April 9, 2012

    We have captured the Americas Cup,a world diving championship and have Darts and Archery in the cupboard.Even the Bradbury trophy.
    Approaching my dotage, i have just about given up having a chance to witness a Masters champion appearing from these shores.
    Our big chance went begging when “The Great Fish Finger” aka Wobbly Norman managed a turnaround of 11 shots to make sure he grabbed with open arms defeat from the most obvious victory for any sportsman.
    Our only hope is to clone a South African bastard and claim him as an Australian.
    Hope springs eternal.

    • Mr Eldridge 2.0

       /  April 10, 2012

      That last suggestion would be an idea stolen from the English, which would be a great return kick to their nuts considering how much they’ve pinched from us in terms of the upcoming Olympics!

    • 11 shots! was it really that much? Surely the biggest choke in a major sport of all time.

  3. The Senior.

     /  April 10, 2012

    It was and it is.


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Dane Eldridge Tries Hard

Contemporary rugby league surrealism and hot takes on Shane Warne

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