Pom brain bruising and Caribbean rehabilitation

Skipper Sammy will play second Fidel to Edwards in the attack.

Let’s get it out there. There are still pesky side effects lingering from the mental mutilation inflicted by the English pitch-slapping we received in the last Ashes series.

As a cricketing nation, we’ve been racking up visits to the big red psychiatrist’s couch in an attempt to silence the voices in our head questioning our cricket elitism, which for some reason now speak with an accent like Geoffrey Boycott’s.

Last summer’s triumphant and ego-reviving Indian poleaxing was a big dose of endorphins which somewhat suppressed these horrendous memories. Then when England was flushed to nil against Pakistan, we were tracking to eventually re-enter society as fully functional human beings.

Dear Ricky's elbow. I'm back. From Kemar.

This week, I was chuffed to read of the possibility of another significant step in our convalescence thanks to the indefinable workings of the ICC points system.

With some fine tinkering and friendly results, we could clear the psyche further of English torment, with even the possibility of sending the brain doctor back to the pavilion for good and living a life independent of medical support in time for the next Ashes series.  

If Sri Lanka can oblige and knock off England in their current series, it sets up the possibility of Australia overtaking them on the order of merit provided that our lads can produce a spotless 3-0 outcome against the Windies in the Caribbean.

The return of the Urn it ain’t; but every little replaced brick in the wall of the nation’s dismantled quintessence is gladly received post the summer of 2010/11.

So provided that England continues it’s recent spin flummox and rolls over against Sri Lanka, who stands in the way of boosting ourselves up the table on the shoulders of our vanquished mental health practitioner?

The West Indian squad list definitely requires you to have Cricinfo handy these days. You can invariably count on a few household names, but these have become further engulfed amongst the undistinguished and anonymous on the Caribbean cricketing peripheral.

There’s crease-cement in the street-smart Shiv Chanderpaul and the youthful batting fire of Adrian Barath and Darren Bravo to complement. As for the trundlers division, we know of the honest dealings of skipper Darren Sammy, the guileful turn of Devendra Bishoo and the all-too-familiar fire of Kemar Roach and Fidel Edwards.

Shiv will cut you. With a steady strike rate.


Outside of these blokes, the squad is a plain jane in need of the eye-catching mascara and blush of names like Chris Gayle, Dwayne Bravo and Marlon Samuels, who are all unbelievably making the dollars elsewhere while Test cricket in the Caribbean is being played.

Despite the no-frills nature of their make-up, recent results indicate that the marshmallow Windies underbelly may be starting to dissipate and that this series could require some real elbow grease.

The recent ODI and T20 series were split down the middle after some thrilling games, so our boys are going to have to steer clear of the free-pour rum’n’cokes and ensure the examination of the young hosts continues for 5 steadfast days at a time, every time.

Luckily if things go wonky, we can enjoy the fact that tours to the West Indies are essentially invisible with their utterly stark time difference.

However, mutation of sleeping patterns combined with the mental nag of an underwhelming tour could see us back on that big red couch before we know it.

Leave a comment


  1. At this point of the match, we’ll be heading back to catching pratice.

  2. tillman1

     /  April 14, 2012

    Good win in the end – great game all together. As much as I want Australia to destroy the West Indies and leave their entire nation without hope for the future it would be great for cricket, if the West Indies could become a force again and really get up the rankings.


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Dane Eldridge Tries Hard

Contemporary rugby league surrealism and hot takes on Shane Warne

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