Thomas doubting Willie

Tommy Raudonikis has again confirmed that he remains the people’s champion and the voice of the everyday man.

The granite-infused former halfback is a glimmer of refreshing sullied dialect amongst acres of sterile jargon and recycled footyisms.


I am genuinely frightened of this man.

He’s a freight-train to the media-trained; a raw stirring spoon in a politically-correct universe and a nicotine-propelled bulldozer charging through a patch of delicate tulips.

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t enjoy the affable rogue and his complete lack of an inner monologue.

Just hearing his voice makes me want to knuckle-on with a concreter while I drink a longneck of KB through an unfiltered cigarette.

His proclamations are enchanting and inspirational. When he speaks, the public cotton-wools their fragile eardrums and settles in for assured traditional viewpoints from former times that can evoke emotion from the thickest skins.

This week, he resurfaced at a launch party for the NRL’s Heritage Round and spiked his stock price with a few preachy gems on the subject of Willie Mason’s wishes to return to the local league.

As we all know, Willie is a man who polarises opinion.

It would be fair to say that the majority of the general public probably think he’s a bit of a nob, but while he’s been on moolah collection duties offshore, it’s been a soothing case of ‘out of Oz, out of mind.’

But now that he’s back in Australia, cap in hand and humbly looking for an opportunity to work, he’s back on the dartboard.  

Willie needs work.

Tommy was invited to deploy a few missiles in his direction on Tuesday and delivered with this customary brutal recklessness that we’ve all come to adore.

Judging by his remarks, the scent of prey was already in his tobacco-laced nostrils at the lunchtime affair. The Willie-adorned red rag flailed in his direction by the journalist simply multiplied the fire in his cancer-stick.

Smoke if you’ve got ’em, and enjoy….

Tommy began with questioning the levels of stimulation at Wests for Willie’s services.

“They’re not that hard up are they? Really?”

“I never rated him, even when he played rep football. He only picked on the little blokes, the little halfbacks. He couldn’t hit anybody big. I don’t rate him at all.”

Tommy then expanded on his concerns…

“Why buy trouble? They don’t need that. They don’t need a headache and I don’t rate him anyway.”

So Tommy, your final thoughts?

“I think he is past it and I don’t think he ever had it.”

A couple of short, punchy and candid pearls of wisdom from the sincerity specialist.

There’s nothing lost in translation there.

Let’s hope that those 12mg tobacco batons don’t take away Honest Tommy anytime soon.

Leave a comment


  1. Yep, this chap from yesteryear would be a PR’s nightmare; a source of constant pain for his manager and club CEO. People in those postions should be thanking their lucky stars he’s not playing these days. But seriously, he did spray some thoughts which the average punter would whole heartedly agree with. Mason was overated not because he couldn’t do the job, but because he was patchier than a Scottish kilt and posessed the brain of a cooked popcorn kernel. Mate if that clown had ADHD I would have liked to have seen him use that energy on the footy park, but unfortunatly, all I saw was a goober who must have instead taken ritalin with his gadorade before playing.

    • Mr Eldridge 2.0

       /  March 23, 2012

      I think this could be the first of a long line of expired tolerance for the trouble-case footballers out there. League teams are pretty quick to forgive and forget these days but Willie seems to have run out of chances. Tommy is just saying what everyone else is thinking!

  2. The Senior

     /  March 23, 2012

    All the way with Tommy today.

    • Mr Brown

       /  March 23, 2012

      Tommy, Tommy, Tommy.
      What do you think Tommy would have to say about the T-Rex tackle? Or Todd Carney’s love of the amber ale?

  3. Nice turn of phrase and Tommy most certainly is a character.


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Dane Eldridge Tries Hard

Contemporary rugby league surrealism and hot takes on Shane Warne

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