Taking advantage of the malaise



It’s a real shame that Australia went through India like a laxative yesterday.

Yes, I concede that I am being fussy and also dramatic by comparing their collapse with a colonic stimulant, but I can’t turn this respectable blog into a continuous Baggy Green backslap.

Where's the beers?

Although I would adore the honour of providing such a service.

Yesterday’s glorious third test shellacking now formally turns the spotlight away from Australia’s uplifting resurgence and on to India’s murky puzzle with it’s pensioners and god-awful travel bug.

7 consecutive test match losses on the road and retirement speculation for some of the crusty brigade has a small part of me empathising with India. It was only a handful of weeks ago that our boys were chomping on their morning bran to similar headlines each day.

Once again, our bowling attack was tireless and effective and David Warner’s knock was the stuff of fantasy. But India greased the wheels by capitulating meekly and this can be no better symbolised than the way Zaheer Khan toileted his wicket in the first innings.

I am aware this bloke is in the team to bowl; but as a senior team member with a supposed fighter’s reputation, he shouldn’t be doing things like protecting his body by retreating and haymaking when your team is on the brink of another poor total.

As a captain, wouldn’t you be asking that he respects the game situation and digs in the heels in the hope of another 20-30 precious runs?

Instead, he couldn’t get back to the sheds quick enough. Which seems odd, because it would be like a hushed ice-box right about now.

Nice work boys, another couple of days off for go-karting.

Team tinkering is always in the wind when you’ve been rock’n’rolled by an innings in your last 2 test matches. And there will be at least one cruelly-forced change now that MS Dhoni has been made an example of in the fight against slow over rates.

I think many of his colleagues would be tremendously jealous of MSD now that he can cool his spikes away from the dancefloor for Adelaide.

In other speculated changes, VVS Laxman is the latest grey to be flirting with the dole queue and although recently returning to some of his warrior ways, Rahul Dravid’s name may also be seen in similar circles if the selectors want to get radical and funky. After once more exposing wood like a drunken footballer, such attention towards Dravid from the superiors is only natural.

Adelaide can’t arrive and then rack off quick enough for India right now.

Conversely, the sun continues to shine brightly on Australia. We would be delighted for this series to continue on forever as the longer she stretches, the more problems it seems to be solving.

You would’ve been fast-tracked on to hard meds if you told anyone at the start of the summer that Australia would be on the right side of a dead rubber at the end of the series. But that’s where we find ourselves, and now Adelaide will have a carnival feel for the traditional Australia Day contest.

Where's the chicks?

Mainly thanks to Warner leading us on a thrilling trip down a Gilchrist-inspired memory lane, and the quicks yet again uniting to take advantage of the Indian malaise with metronomical line and length, we’re not going to have anything to talk about except tennis until the fourth test commences.  

Everything is going along so well, it seems nicely poised for a grubby booze-powered nightclub scandal or tabloid-feeding sex romp, even without Warney anywhere near the playing group.

So in the event of everyone keeping their pants on and their liquids down, here’s a couple of brain-teasers to see you through to the City of Churches….

Can we get Ryan Harris a prosthetic knee?

Is it possible to slap a yapping ban on Brad Haddin until he starts harvesting again?

Can Adelaide be turned to Kandy for Shaun Marsh?

Has science progressed to the point where we can clone Hilfy?

Something to ponder.

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  1. I concur 2.0 but i think Dravid will survive, he did score 4 tons against the poms!
    VVS is gooooone & Zaheer’s dismissal was pathetic, shows the confidence is way down in the ondian camp.

    • Dane

       /  January 17, 2012

      Yeah true… I guess I was thinking more that if India go down again in Adelaide that the urge to flush will become strong, and RH is old and not showing his usual solidity anymore, he could be in the gun! But I’m with ya that it would be a shock should he be axed for the fourth test. The whispers re VVS are growing very loud for immediate pensioning however!

  2. Superb stuff once again Mr E, even the late P. Roebuck would struggle to produce such literature. “exposing more wood than a drunken footballer” is the current frontrunner for best SSD line of the year, brilliant! Even Dunken Fletcher would see the funny side of that.
    As for your questions to ponder. I’m afraid Harris might be another Stuart Clarke, he’ll be real quality for a short period.
    Hads? Definitly last chance, no runs in Adelaide for the keeper and he’ll find himself playing with P. Hughes.
    Marsh? It doesn’t matter, put Watto at 3. He is the man for the job.
    Hilfy? Biggest comeback since Jesus Christ. Actullay, Hilfy’s career looked deader than Jesus ever did, Terry Alderman Had more chance of playing again after last year’s ashes shamozle

    • Dane

       /  January 17, 2012

      Cheers Brownzo… With JC Hilfy parting oceans and multiplying fish and bread, we’ve gone on to a holy trinity of test wins, lets hope he blesses us with divine away-swing in Adzzzz!


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Dane Eldridge Tries Hard

Contemporary rugby league surrealism and hot takes on Shane Warne

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