Rebounding grey division goes for a walk with the Pup



Someone tip a cold bucket of fluid on my scone. I’m excited!

When's Huss gonna get a zinc deal?

I need a reminder that I’m not telling some drunken tale of fake inflated success.

I don’t know about you, but I would’ve kneed someone in the wheels for being an unequivocal fibber if they sold me a yarn about Australia being 2-0 up at the end of the Sydney test. I don’t enjoy such black humour.

The series thus far has been blessed cricketing medicinal adrenaline for Aussie cricket enthusiasts. Pure as driven snow.

Bar a few standard batting collapses and some pesky partnerships whilst in the field, it’s been nothing but smooth sailing through Indian waters that we assumed would have the vessel capsized by this point in time.

Our grey division are returning to blinding form, the recycled bowlers are firmly back on the bike and the youngsters are showing nil respect for established superstars. 

I’m even going to give the batting unit some respite this time around.

Yeah yeah.

Where do we start?

The 100th test at the SCG was chockers with freakish features. Let’s recount the number of performances that will permanently live in the shadow of Pup’s behemoth accumulation.

Look out. Sids is coming in for a cuddle.

Punter getting his whites filthy on the way to a drought-breaking hundred. What is it about being on 99* that makes a man do crazy shit?

The Huss politely pooping on the Indian attack with a bulky blue-ribbon knock that was laced with manners and blazing strokeplay.

Our pace attack interlocking in unison to create a non-negotiable beast comparable to Voltron that mercilessly ground the Indian bats into the eerily-solid SCG track. Even when Sachin, VVS and company valiantly dug the heels in, the seam battery stuck to their guns and patiently waited for their chances.

This test, it was Hilfy who was the reluctant hero shunted to the front to collect the plaudits with a well deserved 5-pack.

And what about Pup? Is hitting an unbeaten 329 as captain on his home track in a super-sized series and propelling us to victory enough for people to begin to believe that he actually cares more about the Baggy Green than himself?

Pup will Boldy bring himself on when a wicket is required.

In addition, he knocked over Sachin with a juicy pie. If the Vodafone man of the match app was still alive to see this test, it would’ve erupted.

So the end result; we sunk ’em inside 4 days and by an innings. All the while carrying Brad Haddin and Shaun Marsh.

OK…. I know what you are thinking. And you are right. This is no time to begin applying the heat-gun. I’m dealing out happy pills today, and these blokes will be getting a double dose.

Our dear friend ‘victory’ is once again on the cans with us in the sheds, so these 2 emptyhanders will be carried in its equipment bag to Perth, safe in the knowledge that they are integral parts of an XI on the cusp of regaining the Border-Gavaskar Trophy in a boilover that will get Australian cricket perculating once again.

Beware though; there were some signs of life from the Indian batting in the second innings. Their records suggest that they will fire at some point in the series. There is still some yakka to see through.

Feminine group hugs are excused in victory.

If there is one prediction I can make that will warm the temperature of the beer, it’s that I believe that Nathan Lyon might be given a rest for Perth to make way for Ryan Harris.

This is no disrespect to the green offie as he will be a part of the plans going forward. And he’s not the first spinner to be given the ‘don’t argue’ from Indian batsmen.

But picture the bout of spook gastro that will sweep through the Indian camp when they discover the 3 man pace battery they haven’t been able to negotiate all series has just ballooned to 4. For the springboard of the WACA.


Kick your weekend off with a spray! Have I neglected to include any contributions of note? Can anyone work out how you can drop shit when you are wearing gloves? Does James Pattinson need to lay off the coffee? Did you give your boss the ‘Virat’ yesterday as you left the office early for beers? I look forward to seeing 329 replies below!

Leave a comment


  1. As usual Elderado, your words drip like honey off ones lips. Bravo, another splendid piece of scripture! I’ll be sure to give my take on the test shortly, as the space is well short of a good length required for such a match.

  2. Marvellous stuff 2.0 some of yor very finest work!
    I have no doubt had Pattison been fit that N Lyon would be carrying the drinks in Perth, it is just no conjusive to spin bowling. The Indians have always struggled in Perth to the extra bounce so it makes sense to use a 4 prong pace attack & have the Huss, Pup & D warner for the part time stuff.
    I also agree that The curry munchers showed improvement in the second dig in Sydney but I believe the extra bounce will be there undoing. R Harris back to lead the attack te only downside is Patto is injured.
    Aussies wil win!


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Dane Eldridge Tries Hard

Contemporary rugby league surrealism and hot takes on Shane Warne

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